


Once In A Lifetime

by 185cmbaekhyun



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Battlefield, Character Death, F/M, FOLLOWING TAGS APPLY FOR DIFFERENT LIFETIMES, Fem!Jongin (briefly), Happy Ending, Infidelity, M/M, Murder, Panic Attacks, Reincarnation, Soulmates, Stalking, Suicide, high school teacher Sehun, mentions of domestic abuse, mentions of internilized homophobia, top model Jongin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:01:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 33,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25958716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/185cmbaekhyun/pseuds/185cmbaekhyun
Summary: 27 years later, Sehun finds Jongin again.
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun
Comments: 19
Kudos: 101





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [erijengom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/erijengom/gifts).



> Happy birthday Jennie. Thanks for always being here for me. I love you so much.
> 
> Title from one direction song.
> 
> [PLAYLIST](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLLQGPnTtIQHHmYP013HhmLRhEzeRh3m7O)  
> Green Day - Last night on earth  
> 5sos - Ghost of you  
> One direction - Once in a lifetime
> 
> Thank you Mishie (@matchahun, again, for helping me bring this fic to life and putting up with me. You're the best!  
> Thank you @Jongixun, again, for the awesome moodboard.  
> I love working with you guys.

_Once in a lifetime you were mine_

2020

The cafe lies right ahead, with its crystal walls glistening in the first golden rays of the day. Jongin can see the rain drops that cling, jewel-like to the ‘Kamong’ sign at the entrance as he saunters up the set of stairs with Moonkyu tagging right behind. Soon, that sugary scent of sweets and fresh warm coffee greet him, along with his sister’s glowing smile from behind the counter. Jongin smiles back at her, and pushes his way through the tables surrounded with teenage girls still clad in school attire as they exchange loud giggles and euphorically hissed gossip.

Granted, his sister’s business has been a success from the get-go; not only because it’s tied to their family’s name, but also because Jungah put her heart into building the business she dreamed of for so long. If there’s one thing Jongin takes pride in, it was providing the financial means to open the establishment for her.

Ignoring the several astounded pairs of eyes following him, Jongin leans over the counter, offering his sister's staff a friendly grin. "Hi, noona."

Already cameras are aimed at him, filming and snapping pictures. He can feel them all around them, stealing the little semblance of privacy he was hoping to maintain for the day. On one hand, he doesn't mind. He's used to the attention, it’s in the line of duty after all. He entered the cafe knowing the reactions it would cause, but he simply brushes it aside. 

"What are you doing here again? Your presence is rather disconcerting for my customers." Jungah huffs, though there’s a kind smile on her lips. 

"Ouch, Noona.. I missed you too." Deadpans Jongin with an aggrieved pout. 

"Hey, Moonkyunnie. I saved you some cupcakes. I know you love those."

From behind him, Moonkyu gives a shy giggle. "Thank you, noona." Jongin can only scoff, indignant eyes darting between the traitors. 

"What's this? Why do you get special treatment from my sister? And I don't?"

Before Moonkyu can retort, his smile freezes and his expression becomes alarmed. He shuffles closer to Jongin and elbows him on the side, he whispers. 

"Hey, man. Don't look. But there's a guy staring at you."

"All of them stare. Relax." Jongin shrugs it off easily. Wherever Jongin goes, eyes are meant to follow. 

"No, I mean. He's kind of scary." Moonkyu counters, hanging his head down as though he's trying to be discreet, which he is, undoubtedly, failing at. 

"They all are."

Jongin lets out a doubtful hum, his eyes exploring the plush-looking booths and the stylish walls filled with picture frames and posters. Soft rock music plays in the background, accompanying the gentle chatter of the handful of patrons spread across the warm, welcoming room.

In a quiet corner, next to a big window muddled by the rain, stands a man. Unlike Moonkyu, Jongin wouldn't describe him as scary, but rather distinctive instead.

At the first sight Jongin can tell he's quite handsome, but he's definitely staring too much, too deeply and openly, not even concerned enough to look away once his eyes meet Jongin's. 

He can't pinpoint why the stranger is so oddly captivating to him, but something familiar in his eyes causes a stir in Jongin's chest. He tries recalling if he's met the man before. In his line of work, he meets new people as often as he blinks, but he doubts he would ever forget such stunning beauty. 

"Do you think he's one of them?" Moonkyu questions, barely audible. 

"If he is, he definitely doesn't fit the bill." Other handsome, model-like men stare at him with something akin to envy, or sometimes even admiration. Although he can't quite decipher what emotions lie behind the man's stare, it doesn't betoken any indifference or anger. Quite the opposite, Jongin can't seem to look away, enjoying the way he feels bubbly inside by being under the stranger's rapt attention. Upon realization, Jongin averts his gaze to hide his impending blush.

He can deal with a thousand people, better than just one. 

"Should we leave?" Moonkyu suggests, already turning to the exit. 

"Not without my latte."

"Oh Sehun!" His sister's voice pops up from behind the counter holding a grande cup and a wide grin. Jongin's head turns back to where the man stands, like he just knew the name belonged to him, that it suited him. Now he's the one staring, realizing the girls are just dumbfounded as he is as the man, Sehun, strides gracefully through the tables and towards the counter. 

He's clad in tight black pants and a cozy-looking fluffy colorful sweater that enhances his broad shoulders, which surely catch the eyes of everyone around him. 

"Thank you," Sehun says, and his voice too sounds warm and gentle. Like his eyes and his smile. 

"We have a vacant booth at the corner. The one you like." 

"Thanks. I think I'll pass this time. I have to get going." Sehun takes the cup, eyes the creamy brown liquid inside and takes a sip. Enraptured, Jongin watches the slow movement of Sehun's tongue poking out and licking along his small, pink lips. 

"Do you have my order yet?" Jongin finds himself asking, his tone slightly harsh, just to have something else to do with his mouth instead of drooling pathetically. 

"Knock it off, please. I'm serving my customer." Jungah reprimands. 

"It's okay. He's the star. Serve him first." Sehun says over the strained static growing between Jongin and his sister. Jongin glances at him, any remainder of his previous train of thought disappears into the guy’s mellow brown eyes. His thick and sculpted eyebrows back give him a grim, almost intimidating look, but it's completely negated by his radiant smile.

"It's Kim Kai, right?"

Jongin frowns, warily. “Do I know you?”

“Not from this life.” Sehun mumbles. “But everybody else knows you, right?”

Finding himself at a complete loss for words, Jongin's eyes narrow in distress. The man doesn’t seem to be interested in a picture or an autograph whatsoever unlike everyone who knows his name is. It shouldn't be offensive, but it somehow intensifies Jongin's curiosity about him. Sehun looks at him as if he's searching for something, but Jongin isn't quite sure he possesses whatever he's expecting to find. 

“No, not really. They don’t.”

“That should be a good thing, shouldn’t it?”

In Jongin’s profession it shouldn’t. Surely, his name and face are known to a worldwide populace, and they bring profit and uproar wherever they appear. He’s supposed to share pieces and bits of his daily life often and give his fans the illusion that they’re closer than they are for appearances. He needs that. No, scratch that, his agency needs that. 

Some things though, he genuinely enjoys sharing, like the dish he's having or what the weather is like on a particular day, just like he enjoys watching his fans' reactions most times. Interacting with them makes him feel less lonely in a sense. 

However, sometimes when he’s away from posting, or updating and sharing for more than three days in a row, his staff starts bothering him and breathing down his neck, and he’s forced to post anything and reply to cringeworthy messages. And so it starts feeling more like a duty than a hobby. Many of his Instagram posts aren't really meaningful, they're just there to fill his feed and make his name trend on Naver and possibly strike a new deal with yet another luxurious brand. But the million likes are supposed to be worth it. The millions added to his bank account too.

In the end, no one really knows him. They just know his name. 

With that, Sehun nods at his sister gratefully, turns and walks away, finally liberating Jongin from the abyss in those beautiful eyes. Jongin releases a breath he hasn’t realized he’s been holding but then his gaze falls back to the surface of the counter, right at the spot Sehun stood just seconds ago. 

He eyes the shiny jewelry left behind. It's a gold necklace with a small pendant in the shape of a daisy attached to the front. It's simple but pretty, and of delicate taste. Jongin takes it in his palm before scanning around for Sehun again in order to return it,but he's gone. 

“Jongin!” Jungah calls, startling him. “Here,” She slides the latte over the counter and promptly turns back to prepare another order.

The drink that touches his taste buds barely even tastes like coffee. It's gentle and creamy and sweet, but not too sweet. Like Sehun. 

“You okay, man?” Moonkyu asks distantly when Jongin doesn't move for a beat too long. He breaks free from his trance, grabs the necklace and nods, though the weird feeling remains in his heart.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Two outfit fittings, a long and exhaustive meeting, and three instagrams posts later, Jongin returns to the coffee shop. He comes alone this time, pushing through the steady stream of boys and girls going in and out. 

He glances at the same corner where he saw Sehun the previous day. Today a young couple stands there, trading kisses and holding hands. His eyes roam around, studying every table and booth, but Jongin's hopes are crushed when Sehun is nowhere to be seen, even though he’s come at the same time as yesterday. How naive of him to think he could get that lucky again. He must return the necklace and be the bigger person. Something about their first encounter left a bitter taste in Jongin's mouth, though he can't quite put his finger on why. The last thing he needs is to be accused of being rude. He's a public person, and that wouldn't look good or be too beneficial to him. 

Besides, this is the perfect excuse to see Sehun again. For some reason, the man hasn't left his mind not even for a second and the thoughts that, perhaps he's lost something that carries meaningful memories to him. 

“Nini, you came again. Wasn’t expecting to see that pretty face of yours here.” Jungah exclaims as she hands a wrapping of treats to a customer. 

“You sound so friendly today. Is it because that handsome tall guy isn’t around?” Jongin chimes, resting his elbows on top of the counter. Jungah laughs dryly.

“He’ll be here soon. He always comes.”

“Always?”

“He’s a regular She explains, then arches a brow when she sees Jongin's eyes widening. “What? Do you think all these girls come here solely because of you? Sehun is an attractor too.”

Jongin bites his lips thoughtfully. Maybe coming back here wasn't a complete waste of time. “What do you know about him?”

Jungah finally stops scurrying around and sighs audibly. Not bothered, but with 1enthusiasm, like she enjoys gossiping on him. “He’s really kind, but quite mysterious. I actually don’t know much about him other than his coffee preference and that he’s some kind of teacher? Why?”

Jongin suddenly feels like he's being accused of something. He's always afraid of being wrongly accused, resulting in him always double checking what he's going to say or do. He's witnessed that too many times with some acquaintances, and the outcome is always unpleasant. “Nothing, he just… Looked familiar.”

“Maybe you’ve met before during some fashion show. You know, he’s got the body and face for it, maybe he used to model too.”

“I don’t think so,” He mutters, fumbling with the necklace in his pocket, immersed in thoughts. 

There is a gleeful shriek of girls clustered by the windows suddenly, and when Jongin looks, he sees Sehun entering the cafe. Today he looks even more dashing than before. His pants are white and a bit looser than the black ones, but they accentuate how small his waist actually is, hugged tightly by the belt. The first three buttons of his shirt are popped open, exposing a pale expanse of skin and nice collarbones. 

“Oh, told you he always comes.” Jungah quips, while Jongin's throat goes dry. 

“Yeah, I’ve gotta go. Bye.” He turns on his heels and heads for the exit frantically.

“Wait, no latte today?”Jungah is left without an answer of any sort as Jongin loses all confidence, lowers his head, hides behind his bangs, and walks past Sehun. It is stronger than him though, the urge to look at Sehun one last time. So when he's just a few inches away from him, he lifts his eyes and they make a brief eye contact. A small smile spreads across Sehun's lips, and the sight of it is just too splendid. 

His brain commands him to leave. So he does it. The louder his heart beats, the faster his steps become, until he's dashing outside, leaving his dignity behind. However, the uneasiness follows him, crawls up his chest and lodges around his throat. 

Stubbornly, he keeps looking back, even considers going back, to make a fool of himself even further. The weight of the necklace feels heavy in his pocket now, and he feels like he's somehow stolen it. So much for keeping fairness. He thinks about the possibility of Sehun returning there to look for it. Jongin can't keep it. it's not his, no matter how he irrationally feels like wearing it like it actually was .

It's the loud blare of a honk that snaps him out of his daze, and when he comes to his senses, he sees the vehicle swerving towards him, with its tires screeching angrily against the asphalt as the driver forces down the brakes. The green traffic light flashes before Jongin's eyes, and the crosswalk lines stretch under his feet.

It's too late. In that moment all he can do is close his eyes and wait for it, death. It’s a convenient end, and a remarkable way to die too, typical of Kim Kai. He clutches the necklace desperately in his palm, like a last resort to come out alive, like he's holding on to the last dredges of hope left in him. 

There are frightened screams and the deadly sound of metal crashing. Abruptly, Jongin feels the ground recede from beneath his feet, and for a suspended second, he feels like he's floating while being pulled in by a strong force. He collides against something instead of feeling wreckage colliding against him like he expected. It's not at all painful. It's grounding, it brings him back to reality.

He slumps against that welcoming solidness and whimpers, like he can't help but surrender to it, caught between relief, fear, and uncertainty, all clogging up his throat. 

Upon opening his eyes, he meets Sehun staring down at him, shocked and nearly as shaken as Jongin himself. Jongin stares back in utter disbelief. What just happened?

“Are you okay?” Sehun asks, breathlessly. There are actual tears pearling at the corners of his eyes as his hands desperately roam Jongin's frame, his arms, his face, searching for injuries. Jongin just stands still, realizing now that they're standing on the sidewalks across from the street. In the middle of the highway, a line of cars extends askew. The driver steps out of the vehicle unharmed, but just as confused and shocked as every other pedestrian huddled around the area of that bizarre accident. 

The hood of his car is dented inwards, spluttering smoke, and Jongin might be delirious now, but he can definitely make out the shape of a hand indented on it. He peers down at Sehun's hand on instinct, and he finds the sleeve of his denim jacket is ripped and his knuckles are red, as if they're sore. 

“How did you-- Where did you come from?”

“When will you learn how to be careful?! Do you want to die?” Sehun sounds hurt and desperate for some inexplicable reason, a little angry even, and that only heightens Jongin's confusion. 

“Jongin? Oh my God!” Jungah appears through the crowd, hushing towards them. “Are you alright? What happened?” She cups Jongin's face with both her tiny, trembling hands. Her face is completely drained of blood, and her eyes spill thick streams of tears. 

“I really don’t know, noona.” Jongin mumbles, still numb and horrified.

“He’s fine. He should go back inside.” Sehun chimes in. People are already recording the chaotic incident with their intrusive phones and sneaking glances at them. An observing woman points at them, and Jongin sees when she mouths his name. 

Together they make it back to the cafe, while Sehun shields Jongin from prying eyes and his sister has her arms around Jongin's shoulders, protectively. Inside, people are glued to the windows, watching hell break loose outside, snooping for details, too engrossed to actually notice the commotion.

Jongin allows himself to be dragged towards the back booths, where Jungah roughly pushes him down to sit. She's still tearing up a little, struggling to hold it in. 

"Don't you dare move from this seat. I'll go get you some water."

"I said I'm fine. Come on." Jongin whines futilely as Jungah storms up towards the canteen. 

"Listen to her," Sehun says gravely, and Jongin finds himself obeying, slowly sinking into the seat and sighing. He fixes Sehun with a suspicious gaze, clicking his tongue. 

"And you, how did you do that?"

Sehun's expression remains blank. "I didn't do anything." He's an exceptional liar. That's what he is. 

"Bullshit. You were here and then you were out there, out of nowhere?" Jongin hisses through his teeth, balled fists pushing against the table. 

He waits for Sehun to respond, but he takes his time shrugging out of his torn jacket. He takes the seat across from Jongin, like this is some kind of date and not a sequel to Jongin nearly dying. His sister returns way too soon, not leaving any room for Jongin to continue the conversation. She sets a glass filled with water right in front of him. 

"Here. Drink everything." She commands, crossing her arms over her chest. Jongin huffs, but complies. He chugs down the water in two gulps, and dumps the empty glass emphatically, shooting Jungah a pointed look. Jungah shakes her head at him, disgruntled, before she decides to let him off the hook a little. 

"Sehun-ssi. Thank you so much for saving him. I can't thank you enough. You are such an angel, literally." Her tone turns all mushy for Sehun that it has Jongin rolling his eyes. 

Sehun has the audacity to blush and smile shyly like he didn't just play hero for a whole audience. 

"It was nothing, really."

"And I'm sorry about the inconvenience. Jongin shouldn't be walking around on his own. He always causes trouble. Where is Moonkyu, but the way?" Jungah directs the question back at Jongin, and he gives an uninteresting shrug. 

"He took the day off."

"It wasn't an inconvenience at all, ma'am." Sehun cuts in, grinning heartily at her. Despite everything, Sehun is charming and genuinely likeable. Jongin kind of despises it. 

There's an urgent call from the canteen as a new group of people enter the cafe demanding service, probably lured by the mess caused up front. 

"Work's calling. I need to get going. Again, Sehun-ssi, thank you so, so much." Jungah gives a full bow of appreciation for Sehun and he nods at her timidly, scratching behind his ear. As soon as she's out of sight, Jongin nudges Sehun's leg with his foot under the table. Sehun jerks a little, then he scowls. 

"Spill,"

"What?"

"How did you do that?" Repeats Jongin, impatiently. There's no way he imagined all of that. There must have been some trick Sehun pulled. Something's just not adding up, and Jongin might be clumsy and a little too sensitive at times, but he's no fool. 

"You were distracted. I was walking behind you the whole time." Sehun mutters calmly. Jongin purses his lips and counts to three mentally. He really wants to just slap the hell out of Sehun's soft cheeks. 

"You weren't," He persists, reaching across the table and tugging Sehun's wrist. "Then explain this. Your arm should be broken, wounded, bleeding. Fucking chopped off your body." His big hand has turned back to it's natural paleness and softness, just like that. Intact, like it never stopped a whole car from running them over. 

Sehun heaves a breath, and slowly wriggles his arm free, bringing both hands to rest on his lap, where Jongin can't see them. 

"Kim Kai-ssi. I believe you're quite stressed out right now. You need to relax." 

"I'm not crazy. I didn't imagine that."

"I'm not saying that. You should go home and get some rest."

Jongin snickers, running a hand through his hair hopelessly. "Oh, sorry. I can't walk around on my own. I cause trouble." He remarks sarcastically. Sehun remains unaffected. 

"Call your driver."

"As if I have one."

Intrigued, Sehun lifts a brow. "Then call your friend." He suggests, always an easy solution for everything. 

"I won't disturb him. Walk with me instead." Proposes Jongin, and the invitation comes as a surprise to the both of them. He doesn't dwell on it, though. It’s take it or leave it. "Come on I might crash into another car if you don't come."

Sehun seems to ponder over it for a second, before he glances up at Jongin with an unconvinced gaze. "It's not safe,"

"What!? It is. Don't worry. I live near here. In this neighborhood. People are used to seeing me around. Besides, I'll be wearing my mask."

He watches Sehun study him intently, tapping his fingers against the table, weighing his options. It’s not like he has many to choose from anyway.

"Go say goodbye to your sister first." He caves in, and Jongin cheers, triumphantly.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


In every corner they come across a different type of advertisement through the city, on bus stops, store halls and even on a huge billboard atop a building. All displaying the same face. His own. For once Jongin doesn’t want to be overshadowed by the exquisite looking man adorned by expensive, sparkling accessories and surrounded by pretty women. Instead, Jongin wishes for the real him to be recognized rather than Kai. He’s been trying to succeed at that for quite some time now, to separate himself from the opulent persona built by others. But somehow Kai ends up stealing the spotlight, always the center of attention. As they walk, a few gazes linger on him, but most get over themselves as they remember they’re supposed to keep their head held high and their noses in the air, like a true resident of Gangnam. 

Jongin should say he’s used to all of that. Seeing his own face here and there, being followed around, being stared at, being constantly judged, being demanded of, demanded from. But he’s really not. He can only imagine how uncomfortable Sehun must be feeling by simply accompanying him on a walk back home; what was supposed to be relaxing is anything but. 

"Do you live in this area too?" He attempts to break the ice, feeling a little awkward as the town remains busy and moving around them. 

"No. I work here. I'm a professor at the Gangnam International School."

Jongin nods, impressed. Sehun looks young to be a teacher, but he also looks way too wise too for his age, so it shouldn’t be so surprising. Jongin takes a breath of the dewy air and can’t help but wonder what his life would’ve been like if he had gone to college, become a doctor or a lawyer and not worry about seeing his face plastered all over the city walls, smiling down at him with a fake glint of happiness in his eyes. Jongin clears his throat, accepting his reality. 

"Anyway, don't listen to my noona. She's older so she's overprotective. I can take perfect care of myself. And I'm capable of crossing streets on my own." 

For the first time that day, Sehun smiles at him. Jongin feels his heart throbbing a little at the sight. Sehun’s otherworldly beauty is just too fascinating. The ringing from his cellphone jerks him out of his haze and Jongin peers down, scowling. There are missed calls and unread messages piling up by the minute. He doesn’t feel like picking up any of those calls to be yelled at and scolded. He’s willing to pay for the damage he caused in the accident, and that’s that. Money solves everything, and he has enough to spare. 

"This is me." He informs, once they reach his building and pocketing his phone and blocking its incessant buzzing. "Thank you. I still want to make it up to you. Let me take you out. We can have a meal. My treat." He offers calmly, in an attempt to regain the man’s trust. Admittedly, he acted a little callous around Sehun in the beginning, definitely coming off as rude, so he’d like to start over. Deep down, he feels like Sehun can see deep within him, he feels like he can be himself without the need to constantly please, to prove himself. Jongin puts on his innocent gaze from above his mask, and bats his lashes expectantly at Sehun. 

"Sorry, I think I should sit this one out."

Jongin’s brow creases in confusion. That trick usually works on everyone. He takes a bold step closer, and tries once more, lowering his voice a little. 

"Please. You saved my life. It's the least I can do."

Sehun tilts his head, and although he’s clearly playing hard to get, Jongin can see he’s at least a little tempted. 

"Here's something you could do," He says then. "Be more careful. Don't be so reckless with your life. The city’s dangerous. Especially the traffic."

Jongin isn’t one to pester, but he doesn’t do very well with rejection either. He’s curious about Sehun, and besides truly wanting to thank him with a nice gesture, he wants to learn more about him, decipher all the riddles he seems to be made of. Just standing near him is like taking a vacation, but he’s no open book. Sehun is an enigma.

"Why? Why do you seem to care so much? You don't even know me." Jongin asks with genuine cluelessness. "Are you like a fan or something?"

Sehun chuckles, his dark eyes boring into Jongin’s. People often speak of colors of the eyes, as if there was an importance to it, yet Jongin thinks Sehun’s would be beautiful in any shade. 

"Or something," Murmurs Sehun, before walking away with the wind.


	2. Chapter 2

_ 1993  _

_ It was New year's eve and Sehun has lost track of how many years he's welcomed. Like many others before, while his neighbors spend the night celebrating, Sehun spends it alone in his apartment, with only memories to keep him company. _

_ The clock was nearing midnight, and even though Sehun has never been into partying, he hoped he could have at least one body to hug tight, someone he could make plans with for the upcoming year and actually look forward to them.  _

_ He could hear people celebrating through the walls just across the corridor as time stretched on. The sound of joy was foreign to him, immersed in the lonely silence of his own thoughts.  _

_ Through the muffled cheers and the music came a knock on the door causing fireworks to explode inside Sehun’s heart even before midnight. He could already guess who stood behind the door, and he couldn’t wait to finally see him again. _

_ As expected, he found Jongin leaning against the doorframe with a lopsided grin on his lips and his hands casually jammed into his jeans pockets. Somehow it felt like Jongin had the ability to become prettier and prettier every time Sehun saw him. His quiff was styled back neatly and the leather jacket only amplified his beauty, enshrouding him with irresistible sex appeal. Nearly swooning, Sehun heaves a sigh. _

_ "What are you doing here?" _

_ "I thought you'd be happy to see me?" _

_ "I am. Of course I am." Sehun said sheepishly, but so immensely happy that he could barely contain the stupefied grin that stretched wide across his face. "Come in." _

_ Jongin entered confidently, as if it was where he belonged. Still slightly confused by his sudden appearance, Sehun watched quietly as Jongin strode around. Jongin then eyed the bed settled by the corner and blushed. The last time he was there, he’d ended up sprawled naked in Sehun's bed with his legs spread as they made love to each other all night. It was Jongin’s first time, and for lack of a better word, it was wonderful.  _

_ He had also burst into tears and ran off as soon as he’d realized what they’d actually done and what it would mean. Ashamed, he had babbled about his family kicking him out , and about how his friends would never want to look him in the eye again if they found out. There were enough rumours floating around already. There was a certain restriction from society and too many misconceptions where there shouldn’t be any.  _

_ Love was forbidden, standards were stuck to and minorities were oppressed. The world had changed and somehow regressed into bias and awful opinions, which had unfortunately shaped Jongin to believe what they felt for each other was wrong and unacceptable. He’d called it a sin, felt guilty and disappointed in himself, when all Sehun wanted was to love him. Freely and genuinely.  _

_ In consequence, Jongin chose to deny his feelings even though they were strong, even though they were inevitable.  _

_ "Are you okay?" Sehun couldn’t help but ask, having a hard time accepting thatJongin had just changed his mind overnight, had let go of the principles he was so devoted to and willingly came to visit him. It felt unreal.  _

_ "I am now, Sehun." Jongin turned, facing him. "I want this. I want us." He took a fearless step closer, looking Sehun deep in the eyes. Sehun saw honesty in them, but also the burden that lingered in his brown orbs. Sehun was willing to wash it all away, until all that was left was Jongin’s happiness and full acceptance. He watched Jongin sigh and tremble as he threw his arms around Sehun’s shoulder, pressing his body against Sehun’s frame.  _

_ "Are you sure?" Sehun breathed, staring at Jongin’s sultry lips. "What about your family?" _

_ Jongin shook his head, carding his fingers through Sehun’s hair. He was so close, so intoxicating, and Sehun was addicted to him, to his touch and his taste. He had been in abstinence for too long, and he wouldn’t suppress his needs any longer, not now when Jongin was finally letting him in.  _

_ "It's my decision. I don't care about what they think or what they have to say. Not anymore." _

_ Although Sehun had seen it coming, he was still hit with a wave of relief, when he smiles, tears well up his eyes. It was heartwarming every time, the exact moment when Jongin gave in, admitting that they were meant for each other. Over and over again. In every lifetime. This time there were too many obstacles, nothing new, but there was something slightly terrifying in the way time kept passing while Jongin was still in denial. So many people just decided to meddle in their business to stop them from being together. It had Sehun dreading not having him this time, and only God knew how long he’d have to wait for another opportunity. _

_ It was a route that Sehun never tired of. Meeting Jongin, befriending him, revealing his secret to him, making Jongin fall in love with him. It always worked one way or another, always naturally, like it was the universe’s duty to bring them together. It was their destiny, and Sehun was the one in charge of making it happen every time. It was just a matter of time, and Sehun excelled at waiting. _

_ "I love you, Sehun. No matter where you came from." Jongin kissed him on the mouth, hard and passionate, and Sehun just melted into it, pressed against the wall. He lets Jongin lick into his mouth and nibble at his lower lip, kissing as if he was starving, as if he would have died if he waited another second. _

_ "I waited for you for so long." Sehun whispered against Jongin’s lips, already short of breath.  _

_ "Me too. I didn't know at first, but I've always missed you. I guess I waited for you too. I'm so glad you found me." _

_ "I'll always find you." _

_ Their lips were already connected when the countdown began, and when the fireworks blew out in the sky, they lay in bed once again, but this time, Jongin stayed the night.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ The year started and Jongin never left. His family hadn’t contacted him for that matter, and Jongin was slowly starting to accept that they had just given up on him. Sehun expected Jongin to leave everyday for the first week, ready to accept Jongin’s decisions no matter how much they hurt him. He hoped that eventually Jongin’s family would come around. However, Jongin was now making them breakfast while wearing Sehun’s pajamas. He smelled like Sehun and went grocery shopping with him. They slept in the same bed and shared showers too. Much to Sehun’s contentment, it felt like Jongin would be staying for a long time.  _

_ To Jongin’s friends and acquaintances, they still called each other roommates, or best friends. Anything sounded better than lovers, but that was the least of their concerns when they could hold each other at night. That much was enough to make Sehun’s wait worth it. He might live a hundred years by himself knowing he would one day get to spend his days with Jongin again. _

_ That morning, Jongin dressed up quietly for college while Sehun made his job-hunting phone calls. The calendar marked Jongin’s birthday, and the plans for the afternoon and night were settled too. They were official boyfriends now, even if they could only say it out loud to themselves. It was a reason to celebrate too.  _

_ "I'll be waiting for you by the park. Don't forget to bring the snacks."  _

_ "Okay. Be careful." Sehun grinned at him affectionately. "Happy birthday." _

_ Jongin gave him a chaste goodbye kiss, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. He looked radiant, he looked like himself.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ On his way to the park Sehun decided to drop by the flower shop. He bought a pretty,neatly-wrapped bouquet of daisies. It matched the necklace tucked in the small, velvety box that rested inside the basket among the snacks Jongin requested. Jongin loved flowers, all types and colors. He would often bring them home to perfume and color the apartment. He even enjoyed drawing them and decorating their bedroom with pictures he’d taken at random places. So much that with time, Sehun had come to associate flowers with Jongin. From his beauty to the delicacy of his soul.  _

_ He wanted to make Jongin's birthday unforgettable, especially taking into account everything they had to go through to be together, and all the things Jongin had to give up for the sake of his happiness. Despite the misunderstandings, Sehun knew Jongin missed his family and the chances of them calling him were pretty slim as they weren’t exactly on the best of terms. So besides the picnic, Sehun set a nice dinner at home, with sweet-scented candles meticulously littered in the apartment and an expensive bottle of wine. He wouldn’t let anything ruin that day for them.  _

_ The weather decided to cooperate as well, and the sun beamed up in the sky while Sehun basked in the warmth from the breeze. The intersection was unusually crowded, but Sehun didn't think much of it. The more people the merrier for them to maybe risk holding hands in public. So he didn’t ponder too much until he passed by a couple of women shedding tears and whispering. One of them stood petrified with her eyes wide in shock. _

  
  
  
  


_ "What happened?" One of the women asked apprehensively. More people had gathered by the sidewalk and they scurried around frantically. Sehun noticed jammed traffic on the highway, and the screaming sirens of an ambulance drove rapidly past them, veering to the curb. _

_ "A car accident. The poor man-- Oh God." The other lady wailed, a hand covering her mouth to stifle her whimpers. And then it all happened in a blur. Sehun’s legs exploded into action and he sprinted through the crowd. He bolted down the street in his inhumanly possible speed, dodging bodies and cars in his path. He just wanted to see Jongin and make sure he was alive, waiting for them. He left a cold trace of puffing air behind him, sprinting so fast no human eyes could catch sight of him. He didn’t care about his disguise at that moment, he just ran, with his heart pounding painfully inside his chest, his gut was telling it was too late.  _

_ He pushed those morbid thoughts aside and kept speeding, until he reached the main road. Jongin laid in the middle of the road, drenched in a pool of blood. His legs and arm were bent. By the corner, the car was demolished against a tree, a mangled mess of dented metal over dented metal while smoke poured out of its wreckage and the back tires still spun and screeched.  _

_ It was too late.  _

_ "No, no. Please no." Sehun choked out, dropping the basket. Flower petals scattered around the road, the wind flew them towards Jongin’s body where they got stained with blood. "Don't do this to me. Not now. Please, don't leave me." _

_ Sehun dropped to his knees beside him while many people watched them in utter horror. The ambulance arrived soon, but after that everything became floaty, as if Sehun was falling into an endless abyss, into darkness and coldness. He wanted to see Jongin’s face, one last time, but he was also scared of the damage he could find. It would just break him impossibly further if he ever saw Jongin’s beauty disfigured. So he remained there, by his side, motionless.  _

_ "Wake up. Come on. Wake up." He cried out helplessly, but Jongin didn’t respond. He remained there, lifeless, bleeding.  _

_ He was gone. _

_ "It's too soon. I just found you. I want more time with you."  _

_ Barely 15 days together and the world decided it was enough for them. This part, Jongin’s death, happened too many times too, and it always hurt too. Each time more painful than the last. Despite all the pain and tears, Sehun knew it was not the end, just the start of another cycle. _

_ "I'll find you again. I'll wait for you again. I promise you." He’d be more careful next time, he promised himself, most importantly - he promised Jongin as he was dragged away from his body by the paramedics. Just like that, once again, they were torn apart.  _

_ "I love you, Jongin." _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Tell me something good, Moon.” Jongin prompts idly, throwing his long legs over the table. Moonkyu shakes his head unsatisfied as he takes a seat across from Jongin, who immediately furrows his brow. 

“I’m afraid I can’t. I couldn’t find much about him. The guy is like a ghost.” Moonkyu states grimly, rubbing a hand down his face. He really looks like he actually pulled an all nighter on the investigation Jongin requested. Honestly, Moonkyu is the best. 

“Excuse me?” Jongin snickers. There’s still some highlighter smudged on his face from the photoshoot from earlier. It doesn't really match his skin tone. And it itches. And it smells funny. Absolutely the worst cosmetic he's ever had to endorse. Definitely not worth the absurd amount they're charging. “What’s the matter? Weren’t you supposed to be a pro at digging into people’s lives?” 

“Don’t doubt my skills, please.” Moonkyu grumbles. “He’s untraceable. You should be careful about him.”

Jongin frowns. “Why?”

“If he had nothing to hide, I would have found at least some basic information about him. All I have is the School address and his personal address.” Moonkyu explains, disgruntled. Usually, he'd run a full background check on whoever and whenever in a spectacularly short matter of hours. No wonder he's so unhappy about this. It's more his ego than anything else. Sehun must really be a nerve wracking puzzle. It only strengthens Jongin's interest. 

He stretches out a hand towards Moonkyu, smiling sweetly. “Give it,”

Moonkyu bites the inside of his cheek and narrows his eyes at him, skeptically. Jongin can already predict the lecture before it rolls off his best friend's mouth. 

“Why are you so invested?”

That's a good question Jongin would love to have the answer for. There's this magnetism pulling him towards Sehun that Jongin can't quite put it into words. It's not just attraction. Sure, Sehun is a sight to behold, and he's got an amazing round ass too. But it goes beyond just that. It's also the fact that he saved Jongin's life like his own depended on it. It was that desperate look in his eyes, the tears, when he peered at Jongin and saw him alive. It’s a foreign feeling to Jongin, but also deep down, it’s all too familiar. 

“I’m indebted to the man. He saved my life.”

“Really convenient. He was also trying to glare you to death. You should know by now what that means. He’s no better than a sasaeng.”

“I don’t think he is. He doesn’t look dangerous at all to me. Cut him some slack." Jongin counters, unconvinced. He’s got a taste of what obsessive behavior from actual dangerous people feels like before. And if he’s any apt to judge, the conditions don't even closely apply to Sehun. 

“Listen, I did find something. But…” Moonkyu trails off, eyeing the folder in his hands. 

“But what?” Jongin presses, sliding his legs off the table and leaning over, as if they’re about to share a secret. 

“It’s spooky,” Moonkyu begins, scratching at his chin thoughtfully. “Look.” He slides the folder across the table towards Jongin. Inside, there’s an old newspaper piece. It’s worn out around the edges and its color has faded to an old shade of yellow. Jongin inspects it carefully, reading the headline. 

_ ‘Mysterious man allegedly accused of murdering the mayor’s wife. He was seen leaving the crime scene shortly before the police arrived. Investigation ongoing.’ _

The picture shown isn’t too revealing, taken by security cameras in poor black and white quality. There’s a tall man coming out of a motel room. He’s tall, broad and lean, but his face is mostly covered by his long black hair. 

“Is that him?”

“It can’t be. It’s dated from 1971.”

Jongin’s eyes go wide. He checks for the date just to make sure his eyes aren’t deceiving him, and the article is indeed from about 50 years ago. 

Impossible. 

“It looks like him, though. Maybe it’s a relative.” He guesses, feeling his heart hammering right up to his throat. 

“I couldn’t find anything about any relatives either. It’s all a dead end.”

A little taken aback, Jongin closes the folder, and he feels his face hardening. 

“What happened to the woman?”

“She was murdered a few weeks before the election. The husband was a suspect as well, but they dropped the case due to lack of evidence.” Moonkyu says solemnly. It’s clear that he doesn’t approve of Jongin being involved with Sehun in any way, but while Jongin appreciates the concern, he truly doesn’t think it’s something that’ll keep him awake at night. 

“Well, let me find out by myself then.” 

Moonkyu hesitates to give him the address. Jongin raises a brow, authoritatively. 

“Okay, fine.” Moonkyu gives in at last. “But Jongin, please. Be careful. We should avoid any more scandals.”

Lately, a lot of people seem to be telling him that. Unfazed, Jongin sways a dismissive hand, pushing himself up eagerly. “Relax, I’m just going to pay him a little visit,” He smirks, adjusting the collars of his jacket. If he rushes, he might still catch Sehun in time.

“Don’t forget you have a flight to Milan tomorrow.” Moonkyu reminds him as he wanders off, and Jongin sends him a thumbs up over his shoulder. Milan be damned, he has a much better place to get to now. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jongin manages to park by the school's entrance before the bell strikes. He leans carefree against the Audi and watches from behind the Gucci gold rimmed lens as a mass of students march out ecstatically to go back home. Amidst the crowd his eyes hunt for Sehun, but for a while the scenery doesn't change. Kids hop on buses, others wander away in groups with their arms linked, all of them at some point shoot him awed glances. They're not too discreet about his presence once they notice him, and soon there's a small herd of people circling him, with their phones up and spying. 

Jongin waves charmingly to some of them, and even dares throwing one of his trademark smirks to some of the children who squeak loudly and enthusiastically in return. He chuckles blithely, but at least that fanservice will keep them all away for a while. 

Sehun finally shows up through the crowd. The pink jacket hugging his frame makes him look somehow even prettier, and the black skinny jeans and dress shoes give him an even more elegant semblance. But above all of that, his smile is still the most beautiful thing about him. So pure and bright. 

“Ah, I was wondering what caused all the fuss. It’s you.” He says cheerfully, like he's really glad to see Jongin there. Jongin's heart flutters a little. The kids start to disperse when they realize showtime is over. For Jongin it has just started though.

“My presence is impactful, what can I do?” He gives a shrug and a hearty grin. Sehun's eyes turn into little crescents as his smile widens. 

“So what’s the occasion for us to be graced with your presence on this fine day?”

“I have a present for you.” Jongin hands him a small black envelope, all sprinkled with glitter and silvery letters. “It’s an invitation.”

Sehun's brows knit as he analyses it carefully. He looks adorable. 

“A fashion event?”

“Wear something nice. With that face of yours you can walk out of there booked. Maybe sign a contract or two.” Jongin teases, cackling softly when he notices the blush creep up Sehun's soft cheeks. 

“Sorry, I'll have to decline it. This isn’t really my thing.”

Jongin pouts resentfully. Many people would be crawling at each other's throats to have their names added to that limited list for an exclusive event like that one, to make connections and secure a spot on the next huge collection designs and add more zeros to their bank accounts. And here Sehun rejects it, doesn't even seem to be at all that impressed by the statuses and the wealth. 

“Come on. This is my way to repay you. I owe you.” He finds himself insisting, once again, and at this point he should be feeling pathetic, except he really isn't. The longer he stays in Sehun's presence, the more right it feels. 

Sehun sighs deeply, and glances at Jongin with that same gentleness in his eyes that never seems to fade, so real and mesmerizing. He smiles then, and suggests:

“How about a drink instead?”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jongin keeps shifting in his seat, scanning the room with a slight grimace etched on his face. This is perhaps the cheapest, rustiest bar he’s ever been to. There isn’t enough light to illuminate them, but he can still see the advertisement plastered on the wall clearly. He looks at himself holding the bottle of soju and smiling far too gleefully for someone who doesn’t even drink. So cringeworthy. Apart from the two of them, there’s only an elderly lady serving them who barely even speaks, but she smiles at Sehun kindly as if she’s used to seeing him there. 

He listens to Sehun talk about his students and his coworkers fondly, while Jongin prefers not to mention his at all. He does tell him about Moonkyu and how they’ve always been attached at the hip since they were little, and all the rest is just simply not worth mentioning. 

“Is that my necklace?” Sehun blurts, catching Jongin off guard. He instantly peers down and sees the daisy pendant resting against his chest like it belongs there. 

“Oh yeah. Sorry. I meant to give it back to you.” He brings his hands to the chain around his neck hurriedly, ready to detach it, but Sehun’s following words have him freezing in his seat. 

“Keep it,” 

“No. It’s yours.”

“It suits you.”

He lets his hands fall back to his lap slowly as he watches Sehun pouring himself yet another glass of soju, and by now he’s lost track of how many he’s chugged down. 

“Shouldn’t you tone it down a little. You’ll get drunk.” He says warily, observing the way Sehun still holds himself, put-together and focused regardless of the absurd quantity of alcohol he’s ingested. He must have an incredible tolerance for alcohol, Jongin thinks. 

“I won’t. Don’t worry.” Even his voice still sounds steady, deep and soothing as ever. Jongin is kind of relieved for that, after all he wouldn’t want to be the one carrying a drunk Sehun back home. Whatever this is that they’re doing, it feels nice. Even though this isn’t the most comfortable nor the cleanest place, just being in Sehun’s presence compensates for all of that. Conversation with him flows easily too, and Jongin finds himself comfortable enough to vocalize his thoughts whenever he feels like. Sehun listens to him, he pays attention to him and his opinions too.  _ He sees him _ .

Jongin hadn’t had a deep conversation about himself and his personal feelings in a long time, and it feels freeing to be doing it with someone as wise and understanding as Sehun. Sehun doesn’t judge, he doesn’t go overboard with his questions, and most importantly, he accepts Jongin’s most transparent emotions. In return, Jongin doesn’t hold back his emotions, and he allows himself to be put at ease just by being with Sehun, like this is his gift, which is a wonder on its own. 

A chilly breeze sweeps through the room, making Jongin shudder. He rubs at his arm mindlessly, but he doesn’t miss the way Sehun is unimpacted by the cold. He looks like he radiates warmth, even when he’s uncovered, and the urge to curl up against him sits heavily in Jongin’s heart. Sehun reaches to the side where he dumped his jacket and offers it to Jongin silently. He hesitates a little, but when the stubborn coldness hits him again, he ends up accepting it and shrugging it on sheepishly. 

“Come with me to the event. As my date.” 

“Don’t you have a girlfriend?” Sehun’s gaze never leaves him as he takes another sip. It’s kind of impressive how he swallows the bitter liquid down his throat and remains impassive. 

Something bitter spreads in Jongin’s throat instead, and he feels himself shivering again, this time not from the cold. “I don’t. She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Then what is she?”

A burden, perhaps. A parasite. A nightmare. “A business partner.” Is what he says instead, because as much as he despises her, he’s better than that. 

“What’s stopping you from dating her?”

“I don’t love her. That’s what’s stopping me.” Jongin responds truthfully. Call him old fashioned or just plain stupid, but he doesn’t do the casual sex thing. Dating for the sake of a satisfactory status is one way ticket to misery. Jongin wants love and he wants intimacy. She can’t give him any of that. The fans who claim to love him irrevocably can’t give it to him either. 

“What? Are you waiting for the ‘ _ right person _ ’?” Sehun chuckles, not at all unkindly, just rather curious. Unsettled, Jongin’s eyes dart around before he provides an answer. 

“There’s no such thing as the right person.” He scoffs, completely contradicting his thoughts; His right person might exist out there in the world, but Jongin doesn’t think he’d be the right person for them. Or for anyone for that matter. 

“You don’t believe in love? Fate?”

“I don’t.” He lies; he does, he craves it. But he’s also scared as hell, he feels unworthy of it. 

“Do you believe in reincarnation?”

Intrigued, Jongin's eyes narrow. He enjoys the way Sehun invites him to embark on peculiar debates. His mind is one of its own, like he has had endless experiences; but he’s also full of secrets, which brings Jongin’s curiosity to a peak. “Not at all,” He says, then he returns. “Do you?”

Sehun shrugs, bringing the glass to his lips. “Not for me.”

“Let’s suppose it was real then, what do you think I was in my past life?”

Sehun hums thoughtfully, tilting his head as if he's envisioning a possible different form of Jongin from the past. It feels like he can see too far and too much with just one profound look; it makes Jongin feel naked. 

“Maybe just yourself. Just the way you are right now too.” He says, but that's not exactly what Jongin hoped to hear. He crinkles his nose, unamused. 

“Lame!” 

“What would you want to be?”

He doesn't need to give this much thought. He fantasizes about it day and night already. 

“I’d want to be an average guy, you know. Unnoticed, ordinary.”

It always seemed like a distant dream to him, like wishful thinking. A life where his struggles would still be real, but for entirely different reasons. At night he has dreams about it too, though they mostly linger in a blur at the back of his mind. 

“I don’t think you could ever be just that.” Sehun mumbles, laughing softly. 

Now suddenly amused, Jongin’s eyes widen and he bursts into giggles. “What if I was a lady?” He wiggles his eyebrows at Sehun with a goofy grin. 

“You’d make a beautiful one,”

“Would you prefer if I was one?” Jongin jokes, swiping a hand through his hair seductively. It makes Sehun laugh a little, but then he looks at Jongin with that same raw sincerity again, and it renders Jongin speechless.

“I’d appreciate you in any form.” Sehun says, and for the first time, Jongin believes in such words. 


	3. Chapter 3

_ 1970 _

_ She appeared by the door and immediately Sehun sucked in an astonished breath, the whole world slowing down. In that silky pink dress that boldly contrasted her tan skin, Jongin looked even more gorgeous. There was a shyness to her, a hesitation in her movements and a softness to her voice, but her honey brown eyes were intense. She walked towards Sehun and he watched, stunned, her curly brown falling in soft layers around her bare shoulders. She was tall and slender with soft curves around her hips and the thinnest waist that fit just right between Sehun’s large palms. Her heels clicked against the floor as she approached him, and she shot him a timid smile, tucking her hair behind her ear. _

_ “You look gorgeous, ma’am.” Sehun murmured into her ear, causing her to shrink cutely and step away from him. _

_ “Stop it. He’ll hear you.” She warned in a whisper, peeking behind her shoulder. As if on cue, Jongin’s husband came out of the house all smug and cheerful in a bland black suit that only made his detestable presence more unwanted. The man seemed to perpetually have that arrogant demeanor wherever he went, like he believed he was better than everyone, like he was untouchable.  _

_ Sehun moved beside the black limousine and straightened his posture as his boss nodded at him and snaked an arm around Jongin’s waist, tugging her against his side. Sehun struggled to keep a straight, blank expression when he noticed the slight discomfort form on her features, but he just smiled and bowed shortly at the man. He absolutely despised seeing him touch Jongin. The man didn’t know how to love her properly, he didn’t even know how to respect her. _

_ “We’re ready to go. Doesn’t my wife look stunning?” The man mused, giving an indecent squeeze on Jongin’s waist, right under her breast. Jongin kept her eyes down, but didn’t protest against the man’s predatory hold.  _

_ “She surely does, sir.” Sehun responded bluntly, hiding his balled fists behind his back, swallowing dry.  _

_ “She’ll be the most beautiful first lady soon.” He boasted as he finally let go of Jongin and headed towards the vehicle’s door. He scrambled into it without bothering to wait for Jongin, much less leaving the door open for her. So Sehun did it instead, watching as Jongin held her tears and sat beside her husband.  _

_ Sehun slammed the door a little too harshly, but his boss didn’t seem to mind, too busy feeling up Jongin’s thighs and whispering dirty words into her ear. Sehun adjusted his tie and ran his fingers through his hair and forced himself to keep it together. He needed to keep that job, as burdensome as it was, it was the only way to be next to Jongin _

_ As he drove, he glanced occasionally at the rear view mirror and saw Jongin resting her head _

_ on the man’s shoulder, her body visibly taught. He also caught the way she flinched when he looped an arm around her delicate frame. Sehun fumed, wishing he could be the one touching Jongin’s skin instead, so he focused on the road ahead and counted down the minutes, anticipating his turn to hold Jongin. _

  
  
  
  


_ On the stage, the man delivered his speech fiercely, making far-fetched promises and spewing moralistic discourses. The audience cheered loudly and anywise moved by the man’s words under the scorching sun of summer. Banners and flyers were laid out in every corner and every wall, exhibiting the man’s primacy hidden behind a false smile. Jongin stood by the corner of the stage looking sad and bored. She blinked her eyes from time to time, allowing her eyelashes to flutter like the wings of a butterfly. My god, her eyes were simply spellbinding. However, most times she just looked like that, like nothing could ever spark her mood and her beauty just reflected the emptiness and dullness she felt. Except when she looked at Sehun. Their eyes met through the crowd and instantly a smile blossomed on her pretty face, a promise that later they would be in each other’s arms, and nothing else would matter.  _

_ As soon as the performance came to an end and the man dropped the mic, the crowd scurried around hectically, hollering his name like they idolized him and his priorities above their own dignity. A chain of security guards contained the swarm of devoted followers, but Sehun noticed when they allowed a few young, pretty women to easily pass through. They stepped cheerfully on stage and went straight to the man’s arms. He held one on each side, while three more surrounded him with their greedy and lustful hands all over him. The man smirked and flirted with them publicly, with no ounce of consideration for his wife.  _

_ Angered, Sehun clenched his fists and searched for Jongin. She was nowhere to be seen, and his heart sank. Turning on his heels with a heavy heart, he came across her smile staring up at him, despite the shameful situation. It wasn't her usual tender-hearted smile, it was that one reserved for Sehun only, conveying her deepest desires that only him could grant her.  _

_ "Let's get out of here, Sehun." She purred, grabbing Sehun's tie and pulling him towards her, possessively. She was so beautiful it was like the stars themselves decided to rest behind the soft cushion of her lips. Sehun gasped.  _

_ “We can't. Not now.” _

_ “He’s busy now. I want to make you busy too.” She whispered teasingly, pressing her breasts against Sehun's chest, and he gave in instantly, unable to deny her. And it wasn’t long until they were back in the limousine, with their mouths connected, moaning into each other’s lips hushed declarations of love. Every inch of Jongin was soft and warm, as she grinded against Sehun’s crotch and whimpered desperately into his ear, with her curls grazing all over his face.  _

_ Sehun touched underneath her dress and felt her wetness through the lacy panties stretched tight between her legs. Jongin whimpered and mewled when Sehun rubbed at her clit and squeezed her breast, toying with her hard nipple.  _

_ “I want you, Sehun. Please.” Jongin breathed out, clutching desperately at Sehun’s shoulder, with her eyes slipping shut as he rubbed faster and pressed a finger into her wet opening, between her tender lips.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ On the stage, the man delivered his speech fiercely, making far-fetched promises and spewing moralistic discourse. The audience cheered loudly,anywise moved by the man’s words under the scorching sun of summer. Banners and flyers were laid out in every corner and on every wall, broadcasting the man’s primacy and false smile. Jongin stood by the corner of the stage looking sad and bored. She blinked her eyes from time to time, her eyelashes fluttering like the wings of a butterfly. My god, her eyes were simply spellbinding. However, most times she just looked like that, like nothing could ever spark her mood, and her beauty just reflected the emptiness and dullness she felt.  _

_ Except when she looked at Sehun. Their eyes met through the crowd and instantly a smile blossomed on her pretty face, a promise that later they would be in each other’s arms, and nothing else would matter.  _

_ As soon as the performance came to an end and the man had returned the mic, the crowd scurried around hectically, hollering his name like they idolized him and his priorities above their own dignities. A chain of security guards contained the swarm of devoted followers, but Sehun noticed when they allowed a few young, pretty women to easily pass through. They stepped cheerfully on stage and went straight to the man’s arms. He held one on each side, while three more surrounded him with their greedy and lustful hands all over him. The man smirked and flirted with them publicly, not an ounce of consideration for his own neglected wife.  _

_ Angered, Sehun clenched his fists and searched for Jongin. She was nowhere to be seen, and his heart sank. Turning on his heels with a heavy heart, he was suddenly faced with a smile staring up at him, despite the shameful situation. It wasn't her usual tender-hearted smile, it was that one reserved for Sehun only, conveying her deepest desires that only he could grant her.  _

_ "Let's get out of here, Sehun." She purred, grabbing Sehun's tie and pulling him towards her, possessively. She was so beautiful it was like the stars themselves decided to rest behind the soft cushion of her lips. Sehun gasped, his eyes roamed around watchfully. There were too many people around, and Jongin wasn't really being subtle. _

_ “We can't. Not now.” _

_ “He’s busy now. I want us to be busy too.” She whispered teasingly, pressing her breasts against Sehun's chest, and he gave in instantly, unable to deny her. And it wasn’t long until they were back in the back seats of the limousine, where they couldn't be seen, with their mouths connected, moaning hushed declarations of love into each other’s lips. Every inch of Jongin was soft and warm, as she grinded against Sehun’s crotch and whimpered desperately into his ear, her curls all over his face. His hands on her bare skin feel hot like electric heat, tingling sparks shooting down her spine and down to her very core. _

_ When they were together, Jongin didn't have to pretend her life wasn't falling apart, she didn't have to put on a brave face to please anyone. Sehun knew how to make her feel wanted and loved. There was no room for guilt either, not when there wasn’t any fidelity to breach in the first place. The man had none for Jongin, so Jongin owed him nothing.  _

_ Sehun touched underneath her dress, and felt her wetness through the thin fabric of the lacy panties stretched tight between her legs. Jongin whimpered and mewled when Sehun rubbed at her clit and squeezed her breast firmly, toying with her hard nipple.  _

_ “I want you, Sehun. Please.” Jongin breathed out, desperately clutching at Sehun’s shoulder, with her eyes slipping shut as he rubbed faster and pressed a finger into her wet opening, between her tender lips. Feeling how aroused he could make her feel just by touching had Sehun's erection straining his pants against Jongin's thigh. He brought his hands to the straps of her dress and slowly pushed it down her narrow shoulders, feeling her overheated skin shiver beneath his fingertips. Then a shiver turned into a wince and she whimpered… painfully. Sehun froze and stared up at her, concerned. He saw huge, nasty bruises littered on her skin, her collarbones, her shoulders. She had been harrassed, molested. Again.  _

_ Her emotions were not easily hidden on her innocent face. Her pain was evident in the crease of her lovely brow and the downturn of her full lips. But her eyes, her eyes showed her soul. They were a deep pool of restless gold, and at that moment they were begging for Sehun's help. _

_ “Did he do that?” Sehun asked bitterly. He already knew the answer. “Did he hurt you?” _

_ Defenseless, Jongin tried to cover herself, chewing at her lips as her eyes watered.  _

_ “I hurt him too. It’s okay.” She croaked, but she couldn't stop a tear from falling down her cheek. It shattered Sehun's heart into pieces. Jongin didn't deserve that.  _

_ “No, it’s not okay. You can’t keep letting him get away with this.” _

_ “Well, there’s nothing I can do.” Jongin huffed angrily, scrambling out of Sehun's lap. Shame manifested in her cheeks reddening and her eyes avoiding Sehun’s. She reached for the doors, but Sehun combated her with speed and held her by the wrist.  _

_ “There is. Please, run away with me. Come with me. Just the two of us. Let’s leave this place, leave him.” He pleaded, cradling her face in his hands. Jongin broke down, letting a series of sobs tumble out of her lips.  _

_ “It’s dangerous.” _

_ “I can protect you. I won’t let anything bad happen to you. Just please, come with me.” _

_ “Where would we even go?” Jongin sounded hopeless, like he had already given up escaping that nightmare. Sehun gathered her in his arms and held her close, until all her sorrows seeped away and her tears dried.  _

_ “Anywhere. We can go anywhere.” He assured her, over and over again, until he convinced her, and himself too.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Weeks passed and distance was all that mattered. They didn't stick to a plan, nor to a destination. They just followed the road as it was infinite, crashing in cheap motel rooms and dining at random roadside restaurants in different cities. Money wasn't a problem. Sehun had plenty.  _

_ It was their grand adventure.  _

_ During the day, they visited new places, and at night, they had passionate sex. Sehun watched the gleam return to Jongin's eyes the further they got, and soon she let herself completely loose, and her fears of being constantly followed ebbed away. He could tell her wounds were healed. She would reach for Sehun's hand often, like second nature, no longer checking suspiciously over her shoulder, no longer fearing being caught. They didn't need to hide anymore. They were free.  _

_ When people asked, they called each other husband and wife, and although there was no ring to certify their bond, Sehun bought her a necklace and laced it around her neck. The pendant symbolized the first time they ever met, in between daisies on a day that should have been his doom but Jongin made it his rebirth instead. They were packing for another journey when Sehun felt a violent cold shiver shoot down his spine. The man’s presence was still as dark as death, and it was approaching them with thunderous, angered steps. They had been caught; _

_ “What is it? What’s wrong?” Jongin questioned exasperatedly when she noticed Sehun bolting up from the bed, eyes wide and frightened. He was too close. It was too late.  _

_ “We need to run. Now.” Sehun started stuffing their belongings into their briefcases hastily. Maybe they could outrun him if they were fast enough. Maybe this wasn’t the end. This couldn’t be the end.  _

_ “Why? You’re scaring me.” Jongin yelled desperately. She was clueless, her hearing range unable to catch signs as far as Sehun’s did. But there was no time to explain.  _

_ They were running out of time. _

_ “He’s here. He found us.” He grabbed Jongin’s wrist, and there were so many things he wished he could tell her. He dreaded that he was about to lose her. Again. He swore to protect her, and protect her he would until his very last breath.  _

_ The man barged in then, his foot kicking the door wide open. They both startled, and Sehun noticed the gun clutched to the man’s hand. Sehun watched when a triumphant grin formed on the man’s hard features, making him look like who he really was. Evil.  _

_ “I knew I’d find you, whore.” He spat, and snickered when Sehun shielded Jongin with his frame. He could take him. He had killed before. Only this time he had a reason. This time, he wanted to kill.  _

_ “Back off. Stay away from her.” The man snarled, levelling his gun at them. His grip was unsteady, just like his voice and his gaze. He was drunk and he was frenzied, lost to the wrath that consumed him. _

_ “You-- I’m going to kill you too.” He gritted out, aiming at Sehun. “I trusted you. I gave you a home to live in and a job to feed yourself with, and you were fucking my wife?” _

_ “She doesn’t love you.” _

_ “Then, she won’t love anybody else.” _

_ He fired.  _

_ Sehun closed his eyes and stood rooted in place, feeling the impact of the bullet colliding against his chest. It bounced back and fell foolishly to the floor while Sehun’s chest remained intact, with only a hole wretched on his shirt. He heard Jongin scream and held him tightly from the back, then it was all silent. Sehun’s chest heaved, and he glared down at the man with his nostrils flaring.  _

_ “What the fuck?!” The man spluttered. Aggressively, he fired again. And again and again. Each fire sounded louder and louder in Sehun’s ear as he took them all impreashibly. Until the gun clicks and with no bullet left. Sehun’s shirt is completely ripped now, revealing his rock-hard, impenetrable chest. Sehun surged and snatched the gun off the man’s hand, crushing it with his bare hands, as if metal were paper. _

_ Terrorized, the man stumbled down onto the floor. Sehun took a few ferocious steps towards him, calculated and menacing. He deserved to die. As much as he now pathetically begged for his life. However, it was the weak sound of Jongin’s voice calling his made that made him stop.  _

_ She laid on the floor covered in blood, with multiple gun wounds littered on her body. She choked on her own blood spilling out of her mouth and her eyes crossed and glazed. She was dying.  _

_ “No, no, no. Jongin!” Sehun ran and crouched by her side, bringing her limp body to his arms. Her blood flooded Sehun’s hands and her body jerked. All the rage and the thirst for vengeance suddenly faded, and Sehun sobbed, letting the man flee while he held Jongin close. “Please, hold on. Don’t leave me. Don’t do this.” _

_ The daisy drowned in blood, and Sehun watched when Jongin’s eyes slipped shut and her breathing stilled, giving in to death.  _ “I’m so sorry, my love. I couldn’t protect you. I couldn’t keep my promise. I failed you.”

_ Hours and hours passed, and Sehun only kept wailing and apologizing and begging Jongin to come back. He was capable of doing the most incredible things, but he’d trade all of that just to bring Jongin back. He was supposed to be indestructible, but every time Jongin was taken away from him, it destroyed him. And in the end, he had to flee too. He took the necklace and buried it in his pocket, and when the police sirens blared distantly, he kissed Jongin’s forehead, one last time telling her.  _

_ “I love you, Jongin.” _

  
  
  
  
  


He had slipped the invitation card discreetly into the pocket of Sehun’s jacket that night before returning it to him, expecting it would find Sehun and change his mind at the last minute. Now, the anticipation bubbles beneath his skin, waiting for him to show up, surprise him, take him away. He would shine brighter than all those lights, and make all those deafening noises bearable, undoubtedly. 

But all Jongin sees are flashes and more flashes, blinding him, cornering him. There are people incessantly shouting his name from every direction, demanding his attention, a smile and a pose. Many microphones are aimed at him, others shoved straight into his face asking what he’s wearing tonight, or if his heart has been taken, that same old mandatory question. Completely out of it, he nearly answers it with a ‘yes, it has, but he’s not here,’ When he feels a tug in his arm. 

He glances down at Seulgi and meets the displeased look in her eyes. She tugs again, wrapping her hand around his wrist and lacing it around her waist. “Maybe you should smile a little, baby.” She murmured gently, with a strained smile. “What’s on your mind?”

Jongin purses his lips, containing an answer that again, almost slips. He clears his throat and forces out a smile of his own too. “Nothing,”

Seulgi makes a disgruntled noise and leads him along the red carpet, camera flashes following them obnoxiously. 

Jongin's eyes sweep over the crowd again, searching and hoping. He remembers Sehun’s smile as they walked home the other night, their hands brushing timidly. He remembers feeling the urge to kiss Sehun when he had to say goodbye, almost too much to bear, and the way Sehun wouldn't stop staring at his lips. He fumbles mindlessly with the necklace, the only connection he has with Sehun now, and in a sense, it anchors him to keep going with the staged performance for the night. 

“What are you wearing for tonight’s show, Seulgi-ssi.” The question floats through the crowd towards them, and Seulgi stretches her enchanting smile at the cameras, hands at her hip. 

“Gucci. Like Kai.” She responds charismatically, and the reporters gasp and laugh, like they heard some kind of amusing joke. 

“So it is a couple look,” Someone remarks over the mic. “Does that mean you two are really dating?”

Seulgi smirks and winks smugly at them, but provides no answer. Neither of them ever confirms or denies it, following their agent’s instructions to keep interests afloat. Their partnership earns them limitless profit, and their ardent chemistry overshadows how they really feel about each other. In the end, people see what they want to see, projecting on them the kind of relationship they would want for themselves. It’s built on looks and money rather than valuable feelings. As long as their faces grace magazine covers together, nothing else matters. 

They turn their backs to the audience and head inside the venue, leaving a boom of questions and cheers. Jongin compels himself to smile through the night, and while everyone else seemed to be pleased, he was adrift in his own feelings, once again, uncared for. 

From then on come more flashes, though those are less extreme, more alcohol, more praise and more fake smiles. Even though all eyes watch him, and people battle to be noticed by him, Jongin still feels like an outcast, the praises he keeps hearing striking oddly against his ears. 

He tries a sip of wine, but it tastes more bitter than his outlook. He loses Seulgi in the crowd, but soon finds her practically sitting on a tycoon’s lap as they whisper to each other and gaze flirtatiously into each other’s eyes. If Jongin squints he can actually see the poison drooling from her mouth. She’s such a manipulative gold-digger. 

The roar of the music and the hazy chatter is too loud and it makes his skin tingle. The avarice is so palpable that it chokes him. This was supposed to be his territory, his realm, but all he wants is to run away. So he does, pushing through the people surrounding him mid-chat. 

The burdensome feeling still sinks into his chest through the ride, and he drives aimlessly with his body moving of its own accord rather than following his brain’s commands, searching the road through wet lashes. He pulls over by the entrance of Sehun’s house, thanks to Moonkyu’s services. However, he can’t find the courage to step out of his car and knock on the door. How would he even justify himself for showing up unannounced, and disturbing Sehun’s privacy? Just because he decided to have a meltdown. It’s not like he isn’t used to it. 

“Sehun, I wish I could talk to you right now.” He mumbles tiredly. Out of the corner of his eye he catches movement from behind the curtains, and he sees Sehun’s slender silhouette approach the window, as if he was called, as if he actually heard Jongin. Jongin frowns, and sags into his seat. Did he say it out loud? Too loud?

He’s frozen in place when Sehun pushes the curtain aside and smiles in his direction. Jongin feels his face burn, but his heart is racing too--at the overwhelming speed that happens whenever Sehun’s around. He reaches for the keys stuck in the ignition, ready to start up the engine and set off before Sehun can catch him, but he grows motionless as Sehun shows up at the door and steps down the porch towards him. He’s been caught. 

He taps at the window softly, and it daws to Jongin that he can’t really see him from behind the armoured windows. That much is a relief, since Jongin’s pretty sure he’s been panicking . He shifts a little, takes a breath and smooths his expression before prompting the windows to slide down. 

“Jongin? Aren’t you supposed to be at the event right now?” The look of surprise on Sehun’s face is roguish, in an amused sense. It settles Jongin’s nerves a bit. He leans through the window and greets Jongin with the most wonderful smile. 

“I know. I couldn’t stay there any longer.” Jongin mutters, staring down at the wheel and fumbling with it, feeling shy all of a sudden. And stupid too. So stupid. The night has definitely taken a toll on him.

“What’s wrong?”

Jongin sighs, and finally chances a glance up. Sehun’s studying him with a deep crease in his brow, like he’s concerned. Or maybe he’s just judging Jongin and thinking he’s out of his mind. Maybe Jongin really is. Who knows. 

“I don’t know. Everything?”

“Are you drunk?”

“I wish I was.”

Sehun stands straight again, surveying the street cautiously. It’s quiet and empty and cold, unlike Jongin. He’s feeling all warm and bubbly inside now. 

“It’s cold out here. Do you want to come in?” Sehun offers, and Jongin nods slowly, a little hesitant. He walks Jongin courteously to the door and allows him inside. It’s a typical teacher’s place. There are lots of books littered in tall shelves and strewn about desks, and its interior, walls and furniture are in a dark shade of burgundy red. It’s warm and safe, and soon it feels like he never felt any distress at all. Jongin spins on his heels stunned, wondering if Sehun will ever have enough time to read so many books. His knowledge must be unrivaled. 

“Would you like some tea?”

“Sure,”

Sehun wanders off to the kitchen as Jongin notices the pair of fluffy dogs sleeping by the corner, one white and one brown. They’re cuddling, not really bothered by Jongin’s sudden presence in their home. 

When he takes a seat on the large couch, Jongin finds a magazine sprawled on the coffee table. He and Seulgi pose ravishingly for the catalogue. They have their arms all over each other, and they look nothing short of glamorous. It’s actually pretty convincing if you don’t look beneath the surface. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Sehun returns, rather quickly, handing him a warm mug of tea. It instantly warms Jongin’s palms as he wraps his fingers around it. Jongin takes a sniff of mint and cinnamon, and he licks his lips in delight. 

“About what?”

“Why you’re here,” Sehun flops down by his side, looking all cozy and warm and broad. Jongin fights the urge to curl up against him and straddle his lap. That would be weird and inappropriate. Besides, he’s not  _ that _ needy. 

“I don’t really know. I just needed to escape. You’ve been my safe place lately.” He blurts, not really measuring his words. Listening to himself makes him realize how overdramatic he sounds, and he grits his teeth in frustration, hiding behind the mug to take a small sip. Sehun tilts his head, in that way he does when he’s trying to read Jongin. 

“What do you need to escape from?”

“Myself,” Jongin says quietly. “Kai.” From behind the rising tea steam he sees Sehun’s figure blurring warmly, and it becomes a little easier to let it all out. He trusts Sehun to listen to him and understand him. He feels at peace with him. “Everyone only sees Kai, they only want Kai, they only care about Kai. Not about me.”

“Do you want to be seen?” Sehun’s voice rumbles gently, closer than before. Suddenly the warmth doesn’t come only from the hot liquid in his mug. It radiates from Sehun too, wrapping around Jongin. 

“I want to be me. The real me. I’m tired of hiding behind something that I’m not.” He admits as a single tear makes its way down his cheek, lonely and quiet. 

“Don’t hide Jongin. You’re too beautiful to stay hidden.” 

Sehun’s finger strokes Jongin’s cheek tenderly, wiping the tear away. Jongin shudders, feels effervescent. He can feel Sehun’s fresh breath against his cheeks, and where he should feel embarrassed or pathetic for crying in front of him, he feels lighter and healed. 

“I know I shouldn’t complain. I have everything. I have money, fame, friends. But I feel so empty inside, like there’s something missing. Like I’m living somebody else’s life. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” 

“There’s nothing wrong. Nothing. Ask yourself Jongin, what do you want?”

Sehun’s palm slides gently down Jongin’s cheek, until he lifts his face by his chin. Jongin stares deep into his dark orbs. He feels like he’s floating in space, surrounded by many, many sparkling stars. 

“I want to get away from here, from all of this. Even if just for a while.”

“Then let’s go.”

Jongin looks away, sniffing. “What? What do you mean?”

Sehun takes the mug from his hands and sets it on the coffee table. When Jongin turns, there’s an eagerness overflowing from his eyes. 

“Let’s get out of here. Let’s get on the road and drive as far as we can, until no one can find us.”

An exhale slips past Jongin’s lips, Sehun’s eagerness flowing freely between them, and now fluttering inside Jongin. The idea sounds too tempting, a bit risky and rebellious too, and he thinks that’s exactly what he needs right now. 

“You and me together?”

“Just us two.” Sehun says, and it aligns perfectly with Jongin’s wishes. 

“You mean right now?”

“Yeah, right now.” Sehun stands, offering him a hand. A temporary way out. “Come on. I’ll drive.” 


	4. Chapter 4

_1936_

_There was nothing glorious about the war. It was gruesome and horrifying. Nevertheless, it was nothing unseen to Sehun. The main reason he got here was because of a war too. After years of living alone, Sehun had decided to serve the country and the people that took him in, taking advantage of the fact that not even the most lethal bombs could harm him. Sehun was the bomb himself, he was the perfect soldier. There wasn't a battle he didn't win, not a soldier he didn't take down. Consequently, he quickly climbed his way to leadership._

_The day they were joined by a new recruited army for reinforcements before marching on to a new battlefield, was the day Sehun regretted ever wearing that warfare uniform. Jongin stood out among the squad, mostly because he wore that obstinate look that all new soldiers seemed to wear. It changed after the first battle, after they first witnessed death, and after they realized there was no option but killing with their own hands. That look of passion and hope would fade from Jongin's eyes eventually, and Sehun absolutely despised the thought of it. Of all places, the last one Jongin belonged to was in war._

_It was the first time Sehun had met him after watching him die all those years ago. It certainly took him by surprise. He thought he had gone mental after seeing so much destruction, but then he thought that maybe the universe was somehow rewarding all his suffering. Then he ruled out all of it. Jongin was alive, and still young despite all the years that had passed. Same face, same voice. It was a miracle and Sehun didn't need an explanation for that. After so long, it was right here, his second chance at the happiness that had been taken away from him._

_However, Jongin did not recognize Sehun, he no longer knew his name. He bowed at Sehun, assertively called him lieutenant, and treated him with the same strict boundaries that most soldiers used with him._

_That was when Sehun realized that Jongin had been reborn. He needed to gain his trust again and start from scratch. A lot of things felt new between them, but some of them also felt comfortingly like a reprise. One thing didn't change, though. Sehun still loved him. He also knew obviously, that at war, his life was hanging by a thread._

_Therefore, Sehun trained him, made him his best soldier, toughened him up for all levels of combat. Jongin was fearless and resistant. Physically and emotionally. He would allow himself to cry only when he was alone in his tent at night, but during battle he remained resilient amidst the constant tragedies. Proving that Sehun shouldn’t have underestimated him, the determination still lingered in his eyes._

_Sehun heard his cries though, every single night, beating himself up for so many losses. So one night, Sehun invited himself into Jongin's tent, and held him in his arms until the other cried himself to sleep. After that, something like a beautiful friendship blossomed between them, and late night meetings in the tent became a tradition, where they could mend their broken souls._

_He had watched Jongin gear up that morning in the tent, and marveled at how even during war and chaos, Jongin still managed to look so beautiful, in striking contrast to all the misery._

_“It feels like this will last forever” Jongin muttered somberly, tucking the revolver into the slots of his field attire. He had a different weapon in each slit, and it still didn’t look to be enough. It never was._

_“Every war comes to an end, Jongin. Unfortunately, not many people remain to see the end of it.” Sehun told him honestly. Jongin seemed unconvinced, so he snickered._

_“I don’t think I will, to be honest.”_

_Sehun sucked in an indignant breath, taking a step closer to him. He wished he could hug Jongin, but the soldiers were all up and moving about, coming and going from tents. He needed to wait until nightfall, but he hoped that for now his words of assurance could be enough._

_“Don’t say that. If we stick together, you and I can survive.”_

_Jongin slid on the cap and adjusted on his clean-shaved head, before rolling his shoulders and craning his neck in preparation. When he glanced up at Sehun though, he was smiling._

_“You know, there’s only one thing I’m thankful for. About this war.”_

_“What is it?”_

_Silently, Jongin took Sehun’s hand and intertwined their fingers. The gesture was sweet and genuine, it made Sehun’s heart clench a little in his chest. He knew the answer before Jongin spoke._

_“You. I got to find a true friend in the middle of a war.”_

_“Friend?” He questioned, a little disheartened. All the signs he had gotten from Jongin had made him almost too confident that they were on the same page about each other. As impossible as falling in love had seemed during war, the way Jongin looked at him made him think otherwise. Jongin seemed to notice his slight dismay, so he chuckled and added._

_“When this is all over, and we go back home, I want us to be more than friends, Sehun.”_

_Sehun couldn’t contain the smile that stretched on his lips. He dreamt about the end of the war every night. Taking Jongin home with him, and putting an end to the perpetual fear of losing Jongin again. He didn’t think he would be able to bear losing him again. But the war seemed to challenge them every day._

_“I want to be yours.” Jongin rasped, staring deeply into Sehun’s eyes. “I don’t care, I think after all of this bloodshed, I deserve happiness too. With you.”_

_“I want that too,” Sehun nodded, lifting a hand to curl around Jongin’s face. “I promise you, we’ll make it” They shared their first kiss, just an innocent press of lips. Sehun knew he had missed those lips, but he didn’t know he had missed them to an extent that had him nearly fainting. And just like Sehun had imagined, Jongin still tasted the same too._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_Jongin’s laughter echoed in his ears and the sweetness of his kiss lingered on his tongue. As he struggled to open his eyes, the memory began to fade. His body felt heavy, a piercing screech filled his ears and his vision blurred. For a second, none of his senses seem to be functioning, but after that initial shock, it came back to him quickly. His chest was so tight. They had been attacked. Sehun coughed and sputtered. His predominant sense of smell reminded him of where he was._

_The repugnant smell of blood, dirt, smoke and burning flesh was too distinct and recognizable. It was as though he'd fallen into a nightmare of the worst possible kind, except there was no waking up from this because it was his reality. It was the reality of the world._

_“Jongin--” He choked, eyes squinting through the smoke, and then he was sprinting towards the tents, leaping over arrays of dead bodies._

_Clouds of dust and smoke circled around him and as Sehun sank onto his knees he spotted one of his troops a few feet away. He crawled over to him frantically, though before he even reached him, he knew it would be hopeless. The soldier’s torso has been blown apart, his insides on the outside, scattered in smithereens on the ground around him, and his eyes were frozen open in terror. Sehun wailed in anguish, but the sound of gunfire and chaos was so loud that it went unheard._

_This is not the first friend that Sehun had seen die, and it would certainly not be the last. Sehun collected death. But as a soldier he’d been trained in combat and re-programmed not to grieve, not to feel and to always remain focused on the mission. He believed his training had equipped him to fight on the front-line and that he was prepared to see his friends and comrades die, but he was wrong. With Jongin in the equation all of that went down the drain._

  
  


_No amount of training could have prepared him for the brutal horror and inexplicable violence he witnessed. Only today, Sehun and his troops were stationed at the front-line and already over half of them were dead. Dealing with death didn’t get any easier. He grew numb to it, but the pain and trauma was every bit as soul-destroying as it had been the first time he saw a man die. That man had been Jongin. And now, even if it cost his damn immortal life, he wouldn’t let it happen again._

_Sehun crawled away from the open space to take cover behind some rocks, not because he needed any barrier to protect himself. He needed to clear his mind to look for Jongin in the middle of the catastrophe. Sehun's only weakness wasn’t physical. It was his emotions; he felt too much. He thought he could take that weakness and channel it into his strength as a soldier, but in moments like this it was impossibly difficult. He scanned his surroundings and noticed more of his comrades, lying motionless and in pieces on the dusty ground. As the shock slowly began to subside, he started to think coherently._

_Despite the continuing sound of gunfire,Sehun left the cover of rocks he was hiding behind to press on for the nurse’s tent. In only a few feet Sehun made it back to the trenches and used them for cover, he weaved his way through the thick mud as fast as his legs would carry him. As a soldier his priority should be to reunite with the remaining members of his division, but Sehun’s emotions had him developing tunnel vision, and now all that mattered was finding Jongin. He should be there, volunteering like he usually did._

_When he eventually reached the tent, it was nothing but a pile of rubble. He prayed that he had the wrong location and that in the disarray, he'd simply forgotten where the tent was stationed. But then he noticed stray bandages blowing across the ground in the wind. Panic rose in Sehun’s chest as he spun around and frantically searched for Jongin._

_“Jongin!” Sehun yelled out desperately, wandering back into the open._

_On other missions Sehun had worried about Jongin despite his abilities for survival, but this was the first time they had come under such hard and prolonged fire._

_“You fucking idiot, get down! Take cover!” a voice shouted._

_At last Sehun caught sight of him, hiding behind a pile of stretchers. Without any thought for his own safety, Sehun sprinted forward as fast as his legs would carry him and threw himself into Jongin. He let out a high pitched noise of relief, joy and despair as he grabbed him, having completely forgotten about the urgency of the precarious situation they were in. Sehun looked upon his face for what felt like the first time in a very long time. His tan skin was covered with dust and gunk, and he had a small gash on his cheek, but he was still a sight to behold._

_“Are you alright? Are you alright?” Sehun asked in between sobs._

_“Yes, yes, I am fine." When Jongin looked at his hands they were covered in blood. Her eyes went wide in terror. "Are you hurt?" Jongin's eyes and hands frantically explored Sehun's body searching for any sign of injury, but the blood wasn't his own, it never was. Sehun never bled._

_Shots of artillery landed beside them and took down a few soldiers that were helping carry the wounded to shelter. Reflexively, Jongin pushed Sehun back against the side of the wall out of range just in time. Sehun gasped, blinked up at Jongin. He didn’t need to be shielded, Jongin knew that, still his instincts spoke louder and he did it anyway._

_“We need to find shelter. We have to get out of here,” He began warning, until he saw Jongin’s face scrunch up painfully. He coughed blood, splattering against Sehun’s face. He’d been hit._

_He collapses to the ground clutching at his side, where more blood gushed out of him, where metal shrapnel had pierced his waist._

_“Help! No, Jongin!” Sehun screamed in horror, but no one could hear him. There was no one possibly left to rescue them._

_Jongin struggled to speak, but his eyes rolled back to his head and he coughed more, wheezing in pain. The world seemed to have gone quiet around them and as Jongin stared up at Sehun, time slowed. An excruciating cry came from Jongin’s mouth when Sehun pressed his hands down on Jongin’s wound and felt the hot stickiness of his blood beneath his palms._

_“Stay with me, Jongin. Stay with me.”_

_There was another explosion nearby, and a cloud of smoke momentarily blinded Sehun, but he kept pressing, he kept begging. His ears were clogged up with a deadly buzz. He felt it, the exact moment Jongin’s breath gave out. When the fog cleared, he found Jongin’s eyes were open, but lifeless. He was gone. Sehun let his head fall, tucked into the crook of Jongin’s neck, where he was still warm. But that would soon change. Another promise was broken, and Sehun weeped._

_“I love you, Jongin.”_

  
  
  


They cut the engine only when they started running out of gas. Fields surrounded them outside the tinted windows. Dawn turned into morning and then into evening, and Jongin lost track of how long they'd been on the road. Long enough to fall asleep apparently, lured by the soft sound of the tires rolling over asphalt, and the colorful landscape stretching around them as the cloak of civilization slipped away, vanishing beneath the horizon, mile by mile. For the first time in ages, Jongin sleeps peacefully, knowing that Sehun was by his side. 

Despite driving for hours straight, Sehun didn’t look one bit tired or sleepy. Jongin's stomach, on the other hand, rumbles in protest soon after waking up. They pull over by the isolated diner in the middle of nowhere, placed conveniently on the highway just after it uncurled from around mountains and falling rock dams.

As they amble inside, Jongin’s instincts tell him to shrink behind Sehun to avoid being recognized, but the occupants filling the place don't seem to be able to discern the new visitors in any way. Jongin drinks in the aroma of the place as they sit side by side far in the back. Their only companion is the jukebox in the corner, humming as it flips through its records. Jongin orders waffles and whipped cream once a waitress manifests herself at their booth. He might as well break his diet too, if he’s breaking all other rules. Sehun watched as Jongin gnawed at a fat french fry from Sehun’s plate distractedly, like he just decided they were sharing. Sehun didn’t seem to mind.

“I’ve never been to this place before.” He says before swallowing. He lets out a soft moan at the sweetness coating his tongue. He’s missed the taste. He’s so tired of the chicken breasts and vitamins he has to trade delicious meals for. 

“I have. It’s nice here. There aren’t many people.”

Sehun drops a few more sticks of fries onto Jongin’s plate. Jongin feels his phone buzzing inside his pocket with yet another call, but he promptly ignores it. 

“Something tells me you’ve been all around the world.”

Sehun licks his lips and smiles, casually slipping his arm around the back of the booth, to embrace Jongin. He feels warm and safely encased. Sehun smells rich and sweet, it makes Jongin a little dazed. 

“You’re not wrong. I’ve been to a fair share of places. And so have you, of course.”

“Which is your favorite place then?”

Sehun looks at him fondly, like he’s committing every inch of Jongin’s face to his memory. 

“Here, it feels like home.” He answers in a gentle amusement. Jongin pushes a piece of waffle down his throat in astonishment, and he gapes. 

“Wait, you’re not from here?”

Chuckling, Sehun dips his head slightly. “I’m from far away.”

Jongin’s jaw drops. Sure, Sehun’s features and beauty were extremely surreal, in an unique way. He must be mixed like Jongin initially suspected. 

“You’re not Korean? Where are you from?”

Sehun eyes him cheekily, with an arch of his brow as if challenging him. 

“It’s a secret.”

Jongin huffs and shoves him in the ribs playfully. For a moment, he focuses on the neon arrow sign flickering off and on at sporadic intervals just at the entrance, because if his eyes lingered on Sehun any longer, he might just break another rule. Jongin can feel himself frown and pout but he can’t help it. Sehun really plays with his emotions easily. 

“Why are you so mysterious? Are you some kind of criminal on the loose?” 

“Would you stay here with me if I said I am?” Sehun may be wise beyond his years, but he’s also playful and provocative. He smirks, and boops Jongin’s nose when he sees Jongin’s dismay. “Worry not, Jongin. I’m your safest place.”

“So you’ve never killed anyone?” Jongin jokes, bantering in return. But then he sees something shifting in Sehun’s gaze, as it saddens slowly. “I’m just kidding. I honestly don’t think you’d be able to ever hurt anyone. You’re too pretty for that.” Jongin nestles closer, wraps an arm around Sehun’s middle to put him at ease from whatever memory he’s being haunted by. Jongin has such a lousy mouth. They stay like that for a while. On the jukebox, the arm comes out and snacthes an album, setting it on the tiny turntable. The needle lowers down to rest on the fresh vinyl, and a strong female voice fills the diner. 

"Sehun," Jongin whispers from his shoulder.

"What is it, Kai-ssi?" 

"I like it here. It's easy."

Sehun picks up another French fry and bites into it. Jongin watches the movements of his small lips and in consequence, licks his own. 

"Do you like it _here_ , Jongin?" Sehun isn’t referring to the diner, nor to the freeway. And Jongin knows that, his lips almost touching the collar of Sehun’s shirt.

Jongin answers before he can censor himself. "Yes, it's uncomplicated," He says, free of restraints. He had let go of them the moment he took Sehun’s outstretched hand and ran away with him. So far, he doesn’t regret it. 

Sehun sighs and leans back against the booth. Jongin moves with him, his head not lifting from his shoulder. He looks out the window. The moonlight outside melds with the light of the neon sign, reflecting like shards of falling glass. If only life was as uncomplicated as gazing at the moon.

"I don't ever want to leave," Jongin says sleepily, his eyes fixed on the french fry in Sehun's left hand. "Are you going to finish that fry?"

Sehun gently pushes the french fry into Jongin’s mouth. He tongue lingers on Sehun’s thumb briefly, and it feels so intimate that his dick stirs in his pants.

"Can we take a walk outside?" Jongin asks, a slightly pleading note invading his voice. He urgently needs fresh air and maybe a bit of normalcy back in his system. 

"Of course," Sehun says, humoring him, knowing how unlikely it is that they would ever be in this same place again. “I know a good place.” 

Jongin doesn’t ask, he knows now that Sehun enjoys secrets. But he doesn’t need to know, he’d follow Sehun anywhere. Even to another lifetime. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The night is quiet in a way that's almost too peaceful. The moon glows high up in the sky, round and dazzling, reflecting over the tops of evergreens. Jongin debates internally if he should slip his hand over Sehun's as they stroll through the park, still too shy to initiate any kind of skinship between them. Sehun beats him to it and takes his hand, as if he’d heard Jongin’s crazed heart going ballistic inside his chest. 

Small talk ensues as they come across a small bench under the eaves of two bare-branched trees. The night looms over them, and Jongin thinks that Sehun and the moon are so alike. Splendid and enticing. They sit there for a few moments just observing the birds, before Jongin carefully removes his hand from Sehun’s and glances away, eyes sliding hesitantly away to pick at the first visible stars scattered loosely across the heavens above them.

He wants to kiss Sehun so bad. 

"A penny for your thoughts," Sehun murmurs, eyes never leaving the sky. He looks at it with something akin to longing in his eyes, and Jongin finds himself wishing to shine as bright as those stars only if just to be the center of Sehun’s attention. 

“I’ll give them for free,” He begins, turning to face Sehun, even though he doesn’t look away from the stars. "I feel alive. Thank you, Sehun."

For the longest couple of seconds, Sehun doesn’t respond. He just keeps gazing up, like he’s searching for something among the stars. Jongin starts to feel pathetic for opening up like this, for pouring out his feelings like he’s so sure Sehun will correspond. He’s about to laugh it off and make up some excuse about the night making him oversensitive, but then Sehun finally glances at him. He turns too, so they’re face to face with barely any space between them. 

“Whenever you need a break from your worries, I’ll be here for you.” Sehun brings a hand to thread his fingers tenderly into Jongin’s hair, stroking slowly as his fingertips slide down to his nape. Jongin shudders and allows his eyes to slip shut. His lips fall slightly apart, quivering with _want_. But his eyes remain closed, because if he looks, he’ll succumb to the overwhelming desire to taste Sehun. 

He feels a brief brush against his nose first, and he holds his breath stiffly when he realizes Sehun’s nuzzling along his cheek. Then, he feels fingertips ghosting along his jaw, leaving warm traces in their path. Sehun’s thumb runs along Jongin’s plump bottom lip, only then comes the reassuring press of his lips over Jongin’s, barely there but ever so tender. It anchors Jongin enough to not collapse completely in Sehun’s arms. 

Sehun pulls away far too soon--before Jongin can discern the taste of his lips against his own--like he’s fearing Jongin might refuse him. He’s still too close, and suddenly it feels like he’s everything, he’s everywhere, and Jongin is lost in him, and he never again wants to be found. 

“Why?” Jongin asks raggedly. “What is it, between us? I barely know you, but I already feel so attached to you. I feel like I’ve known you my whole life. Even before that, if that’s possible. Am I crazy?” He babbles, going in for another kiss, but Sehun dodges him, so he ends up smacking his lips against Sehun’s chin instead. He needs _more_. 

“What’s going on with me? What are you doing to me?”

Sehun wraps his arms around Jongin, bringing him against his frame. Always so clingy, Jongin purrs and buries his face into the crook of Sehun’s neck where he smells musky and so _him_. The scent has Jongin disconnecting from his body, like he’s flying, like he’s in heaven. Sehun’s his heaven. 

“This is always the hardest part,” Sehun whispers, slipping his hand under Jongin’s shirt. His touch is warm. “When we try to find the answers when everything just feels this right.”

Jongin isn’t really following Sehun’s train of thought, but even if his words sound ambiguous, they also sound beautiful and anticipatory. He feels Sehun’s embrace tightening around him, asking for another kiss. Jongin pulls back just enough to stare at him, at his lips. 

He hears a camera shutter from afar. Immediately, Jongin’s heart sinks. There are some rustling sounds from behind the bushes, and then a group of women saunter into view. They’re snickering and holding cameras and cellphones, explicitly pointed at them. 

“They’re following us.” Jongin says in a frightened tone. He recognizes those women. They’re everywhere. They’re like a shadow, just as dark and haunting. Sehun frowns at him, confused. 

“Are you sure?”

“I’ve met them before. I don’t want to talk to them.” Jongin confesses, keeping his head low and hiding. There’s a strange sour taste in his mouth and a buzz echoing in his ears. These women, they know his every step, they’re parasites. The fact that they’ve been following them silently all this time, doesn’t make them seem any less threatening, showing up at places they have no right to be. They’ve been brainwashed into thinking they’re needed and indispensable, that this sick game of theirs is somehow acceptable. Their invasiveness is like an infectious disease, affecting all of Jongin’s peace of mind, and spreading incurably as their ranks grow in number. 

“Come on, let’s go.” Sehun stands and drags Jongin away with him. Their steps quicken when they realize that the group is following them, lacking any decency. And as if to torment them even further, they start catcalling and howling wickedly. 

_“Kim Kai oppa. Does Seulgi unnie know you’re here? With another man? Should we tell her?”_

_“You’re so disgusting. You’d better apologize to us.”_

_“Did you run away so you could cheat?”_

_“You’ve been lying to us. I feel so betrayed.”_

_“Smile for the picture, oppa. Show us your ungrateful and worthless face.”_

Panic grows in Jongin’s limbs as he struggles to keep his legs moving, running. His breathing becomes more rapid, more shallow, relying on Sehun to keep him upright and moving. He clings into his side, the horrifying thoughts accelerating inside his head. They’ve tried to touch him before, they’ve uttered inappropriate things about him before, they’ve _mocked_ him, disrespected him. They think they own him. 

“Jongin, hey. Stay with me. It’s going to be okay.” Sehun is grabbing him by the shoulders now, and through the tears Jongin can make out the dark alley they’ve stopped in, its damp walls a grounding pressure against his back. He doesn't want Sehun to see him in such a defeated state. Jongin is all screwed up, but he foolishly hoped Sehun could fix everything. He was wrong. This is a terrible mistake. Jongin’s ruined the most consistent and beautiful things he’s ever had, just like he ruins everything. 

“Please, make them stop. Get me out of here.” His breathing comes out in gasps, and he can barely make out Sehun’s face under the darkness enveloping the alley. He tries pulling himself together by sheer force of will, but soon realizes he’s failing, when he hears them approaching, chasing them down.

“Breathe. Just breathe. They won’t get you.”

Sehun’s voice becomes a distant beacon in his ears. As Jongin’s mind spins out of control, he feels Sehun engulf him in another tight embrace. There’s an urgency to this one, because suddenly Jongin feels like he’s floating. Everything becomes silent. Inside his head and all around him. The chilly sweep of wind batting against his skin.

Upon opening his eyes, he sees the city lights sparkling far below his feet, as they push across the sky in the gentle company of the moon that seems to follow them. Jongin gasps and clutches to Sehun for dear life. Surrounded by dark clouds, the moon glows so closely and invitingly. 

They’re flying. 

Dumbfounded, Jongin shuts his eyes tightly as the sense of being lifted in the air above the entire city strikes him. He’s never had the best endurance for heights, but he realizes they’ve left the danger behind, and now, here up the sky, he’s safe. With Sehun, he’s safe. His current predicament doesn’t exactly allow him to process the absurdity of it all, so for the moment, he shoves the shock aside and lets himself enjoy the wind and the night as they fly away. They could keep flying forever, and Jongin wouldn’t care. 

Once they reach far into the woods, then Sehun’s speed slows, and he lands on top of a cliff. It’s quite disorienting, to say the least, to have the world stop moving so suddenly. Jongin had gotten used to the sensation of flying quite easily, it felt a lot like freedom. Now that his feet are steady against the ground, his legs feel numb and his head feels dizzy. Sehun keeps him in his arms, and when Jongin starts trembling, he knows it’s for a variety of reasons.

“It’s okay now. They’re gone.”

It rushes back to Jongin like a punch to the gut. Confused and scared, he shoves Sehun off of him roughly. He can see the hurt in Sehun’s eyes as he staggers back. Jongin’s utter distress however, doesn’t leave room for pity. 

“Who are you? How did you do that?!”

“Jongin, calm down. I’ll tell you everything. Just calm down.” Sehun chances a step towards him, but Jongin lifts a defensive hand and takes two steps back. 

“Start talking. Now!” He commands, aware of his recklessness, but feeling entirely entitled to it. 

Slowly and cautiously, Sehun steps nearer, and even though Jongin yells and tells him to back off, he keeps advancing. It’s only then that Jongin realizes they’re on top of a gigantic cliff, and there’s nowhere to run to, no one to hear him. He finds himself rooted in place, because if he risks another step backwards, he might reach the edge. If he falls, will Sehun catch him? 

His recklessness makes him want to find out the answer right then, so Jongin blindly takes another step back, feels his foot give out as he trips over the edge. He’s going to fall. But Sehun is faster. He wraps a hand around Jongin’s wrist to haul him in, and just like that, Jongin's blanketed in Sehun's arms again. As much as he tries to push him away by punching his chest, Jongin also fights the urge to give in. Despite all his thrashing about, Sehun manages to spin Jongin around and hold him from behind, locking his arms securely around Jongin to keep him still. 

“Can you see that star? The one shining down on us?" Sehun asks through gritted teeth in Jongin's ear once he finally stops fighting. Jongin grunts, but obeys, resisting is pointless. "That used to be my home.”

Jongin freezes. Even if he tries, his body won't move. He's paralyzed from head to toe, staring up at the sparkling star keeping company to the lonely moon. He gives a half-hearted scoff. 

“What do you mean? That doesn’t make sense.”

“It doesn’t, but it’s the truth.”

Thinking back, it does make more sense than Jongin would like to admit. All the secrets, all the inexplicable appearances, all of Sehun's magnificent abilities. He shakes himself out of the daze, telling himself that he's only considering that explanation because it’s a better alternative than Sehun lying to him. 

“Are you shitting me?”

“I’m not. I would never lie to you. You have to believe me, Jongin. _Please_." It's the vulnerability in Sehun's voice that gets him. Sehun sounds wrecked, like he's pleading with all he has left of him. Sehun's grip gradually weakens around Jongin, his head resting miserably on Jongin's shoulder. Jongin hears his sniffing, feels his tears wet his shirt, and all the resistance he once held fades away. 

“You’re -- What are you exactly?” This time, he asks calmly. He lets Sehun take time to recollect himself before he can respond quietly. 

“I’m different. I’m not from here.” Is all he says, all he can say. That much isn't new to Jongin. He had figured that out already, though not so extensively. Now, he needs the whole truth. No more secrets, no more hiding. Jongin detaches himself from Sehun effortlessly, so he can turn to face him again. 

Even when he cradles Sehun's face, the look of misery stays etched in his eyes, like he's expecting Jongin to turn and leave him. Jongin would never do that. Even if he’s just met Sehun it sickens him to even entertain the thought. Instead, Jongin leans in, and finally, he gets the kiss he’s craved so much. 

  
  
  



	5. Chapter 5

_ 1888  _

_ The sky was blue. That was the first indication that Sehun had landed on foreign territory. The mission must have been a success, to put it mildly. The air was crisp and bearable, filling his lungs soothingly as soon as he regained his bearings. It came to him slowly, and when his mind cleared completely, he noticed the specimen staring down at him. The Earthling’s mouth moved rapidly, and though Sehun can see them speaking, he doesn’t yet understand their language. Their expression is drawn in concern, but Sehun doesn’t have time to evaluate how trustworthy the Earthling is, before he’s surging forwards and squeezing their neck between his hands. The Earthling gasps in shock and chokes, his eyes going red and blotchy as Sehun squeezes forcefully.  _

_ His opponent doesn’t fight back despite the visible fear in their shaking form. Sehun grunts, realizing the Earthling was inferiorly fragile and harmless. He released them then. Not worth his time. What mattered the most at that moment was finding a way back home. If there was any home left to go back to. He stared up and saw the small flame flicking in the sky slowly morphing into a star. He knew then that it was too late. His planet, his home, had been destroyed. In grief, Sehun shook his head and mourned those who couldn’t be as lucky as he was to survive. Then again, he shouldn’t deem himself that lucky. He was homeless now, a castaway on a completely foreign planet.  _

_ By his side, the Earthling continued speaking, as though trying to catch Sehun’s gaze. They were stubborn and relatively brave for still standing there after Sehun had basically just tried to kill them. He glanced at the Earthling again, and it caused them to flinch and yelp. He was such a peculiar species.  _

_ Sehun noticed the man was clutching a bunch of some sort of soft-looking plants. They looked pretty and delicate. If he was not mistaken, they were called flowers. He took some time to study the Earthling too. A male, apparently. His quaint anatomy seemed much the same as his, though Sehun wondered why the Earthling had a darker tone to his skin. Maybe it was one of their characteristics. His vestings were rather tattered and worn, but they looked loose and more comfortable than Sehun’s skin-tight leather suit. The fabric didn’t seem to go too well with the tepid weather, and Sehun’s body felt increasingly warm inside the outfit.  _

_ Sehun supposed that if he was trapped on that planet, he had to play by their rules if he were to survive. And he decided to start by befriending that Earthling, since there was no better option whatsoever. But he had to master his language first. He reached for the male, and again, he grew still. Sehun assured him with a nod and moved slowly as the Earthling seemed to let him in. He was still trembling and sweating slightly, and maybe that was partially this reason he hadn’t taken off. His eyes went wide and his body jerked a little when Sehun got a firm hold of his jaw. The Earthling smelt fresh and pleasant, and it induced Sehun to claim his mouth without hesitation. _

_ The Earthling went limp against him, and Sehun deepened the kiss, licking along the other’s lips until they parted and allowed him in. Sehun’s tongue curled around the Earthlings urgently, and the other made a weak noise as if he was in pain. Sehun was probably draining all his energy, which compared to his own, was so scarce. He really didn’t intend to suck the life out of the Earthling, but he didn’t exactly have much of a choice. He needed to acquire knowledge of the other’s language in order to communicate. To make matter worse, or better - he didn’t quite comprehend - the Earthling’s dialect was fairly complex, so he pressed in even harder, coaxing the other’s mouth open and licking inside, until he had absorbed each possible word. The idioms lodged in his brain but Sehun felt like he was somewhat fluent now. It worked. He pulled away from the Earthling, satisfied.  _

_ However, the other remained frozen, mouth agape and breathless, rubbing his neck. His cheeks were tinted red now, as if they were aflame. So were his lips, all bitten and glistening. It gave Sehun a funny feeling in his chest. Then he realized the earthling was malfunctioning.  _

_ "I'm sorry. I had to do that." He tried to explain cautiously. It occurred to Sehun that he still lacked horribly on Earthly etiquette, and that maybe he had just committed a sin and forced himself upon the other. "I'm really, really sorry. What's your name?" _

_ It felt weird to be speaking a whole new language, it still sounded unnatural on his tongue and with his voice, but it was partially relieving too. Practice makes perfect, and Sehun needed plenty of it. Might as well start now.  _

_ "Kai. Kim Kai." The Earthling finally responded. His voice was deep and pleasant. It suited him. Sehun attempted a smile. He’d read that Earthlings highly appreciated that. It showed friendliness.  _

_ "I'm Sehun." He said, translating a version of his birth name to what it would sound like in the newly acquired language. He thought it sounded nice. Kai kept staring at him suspiciously, and his expression didn’t soften at all. He eyed Sehun’s catsuit like he was scandalized, and timidly cleared his throat.  _

_ "Are you hurt? You seemed like you needed help." _

_ "I'm not hurt. I'm fine." Sehun scanned his surroundings. There was a lot of nature, a lot of green. His eyes caught a small flying animal sweeping across the sky, chirping mildly. He was so amazed. But he needed his ship. He wondered if it had sunk in the sea, or if its remains could be even used after all the damage. It was probably irredeemable now.  _

_ "I've never seen you around. Where are you from? You look like you're lost." Kai questioned warily. He looked somewhat concerned, but skeptical too. Sehun glanced up towards home again, and pointed at the dim light, almost imperceptible, blinking down at them.  _

_ "There." _

_ "You came from the sky?" Kai laughed hollowly, and Sehun had a hard time catching what that tone really meant. Nothing threatening, he knew. Just peculiar.  _

_ "Just landed, actually." Sehun told him quietly, as it all caught up to him, the fear and the longing. Kai watched him silently for another moment, as if he was searching for something, a reason to turn his back on Sehun and brush off the responsibility. Again, Sehun remembered to smile. It was emotionless, but he needed to let Kai know he wasn’t to be considered a foe.  _

_ "You must have had a concussion." Kai concluded effectively, and this time he sounded less doubtful.  _

_ "Where is this place?" _

_ "Joseon." _

_ "I see..." _

_ Sehun had diligently studied about Earth before his mission, but he wasn’t too familiar with the region. There was an empire, a dynastic kingdom, but if Sehun were to judge, Kai was no nobility. He was a mere cultivator by the looks of it. Somehow, that seemed safer. _

_ "Where are you headed to?" _

_ Sehun sighed helplessly. "Honestly, I have no idea." _

_ "Uh? What did you come here for then?" _

_ "I needed to leave. This was the nearest destination." Sehun grew quiet. If he explained any further, Kai would probably leave. He needed a friend, not to scare people off any more than he’d already done back home.  _

_ “Are you running from something?" _

_ "I was. But I think they're gone now. Everything's gone." He mumbled, swallowing down the anguish that was starting to rise in his chest. There was nothing left, just him, but he amounted equally to nothing.  _

_ "What do you mean?" _

_ "My home. My people. It's all gone." He looked at the sky again, and the ache in his chest only intensified.  _

_ "So you have nowhere to go?" Kai’s question kept coming persistently. Sehun didn’t mind them. He needed it, needed the conversation. He needed to feel something, any kind of connection. He needed to know he wasn’t alone in the universe. Right now, Kai was all he had.  _

_ "I guess so," _

_ Kai grew quiet, absentmindedly pinching at the petals of the flowers still resting on his lap. Sehun now knows they’re called daisies, and Jongin probably picked them recently, just out of habit. He had probably sown them too in the back of his yard. Amidst all the misery, the beauty of those daisies seemed like an inconsistent reality. But they still blossomed, and somehow they gave him hope. Kai did it too.  _

_ "You could come with me. If you want. I live nearby. There's room for a guest. Besides, I could use the company." Kai offered, the one with the friendly smile this time. Sehun could feel it wasn’t all that genuine, but he respected the endeavor.  _

_ "What about your folks?" _

_ "I'm on my own." Kai shrugged. "I've lost my people too. I was once walking in your shoes." _

_ That simplified it. Only someone who had been through the pain of being left alone would have the compassion necessary to help out a stranger. But something told Sehun that Kai, regardless of his past experiences, was simply born with a kind heart. Too kind, for that matter.  _

_ “Should I trust you?” _

_ Kai chuckled, for the first time, holding truthfulness.  _

_ “Hey, I should be the one questioning myself here. You did just kiss me without my consent.” _

_ Sehun glanced at him apologetically. So he had overstepped the norms. So much for starting off on the right foot. “Do I need authorization for that? Is that some kind of violation?” _

_ Kai chuckles harder and it becomes a laugh. Loud and deep. Sehun notices the little dips on either side of his cheeks as he does. Dimples. That meant that was a genuine laugh. Sehun burst out laughing too, like Kai’s own laugh was moving through him.  _

_ “It doesn’t work that way, okay? Listen, I think you’re in a critical condition right now. You need some rest. And maybe a lecture about basic human courtesy?” Kai suggested, brushing his shoulder against Sehun’s lightly, as if to convince him. Sehun beamed, already sold.  _

_ “Okay! I want you to teach me about your people. It seems I have no other option besides staying around.” The idea of a new start was starting to sound convenient. Especially if he was going to have company.  _

_ “Fine, we should probably also get you some medicine before you completely lose your mind.” Kai pushed himself to his full height and offered a hand to Sehun, like he was offering him a whole new world. And indeed, he was.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ According to the human calendar, it had been six months since Sehun landed on Earth. He could somewhat say that Earth had become his home. And Kai, in a sense, was his home as well. When he made Sehun literate in the ways of the world, Kai was also his school; and when he taught Sehun how to pray, Kai was even his church. _

_ As a fast learner, Sehun mastered cooking and sword-fighting in record time. He found that he enjoyed receiving Kai's praises. It was an .. ego boost, for some reason, so he worked extra-hard to earn more of them. Soon after, he realized that most of his efforts were solely to please Kai. He felt endlessly thankful for the man for taking him in, giving a second chance, a whole new life, and asking for nothing in return. So whatever Kai needed, Sehun was there to provide--without failure--be it labor, or a shoulder to cry on during sleepless nights. He hoped to assuage Kai's every need for as long as he was allowed.  _

_ Sehun learned the hard way that Earthlings were not as mighty as he was. They didn’t have the ability to fly and any bodily-resistance was pretty scant. At first, Kai was beyond impressed, and it took him quite some time to actually get used to Sehun’s exceptional capabilities. It wasn’t until Sehun effortlessly punched through a huge tree-trunk with his bare fists that Kai’s suspicions finally ebbed away. Optimistically, Sehun wanted to show off his skills a little more, but Kai told him to keep it under the radar, for safety reasons. Apparently, Earthlings were greedy and selfish, and anything out of the ordinary was inadmissible.  _

_ Thereupon, Kai also lectured him about the rights and the wrongs. Sehun learned that human logic was not only ironically irrational most of the time, but that they were also unfair. Sometimes though, they did manage to make sense, and eventually Sehun got the hang of it. Unfortunately, that also meant he was aware he could no longer touch Kai without that thing called consent that he had come to learn about.  _

_ Which was bad. Sehun more often than not found himself yearning to repeat the mouth to mouth gesture again. On his planet that was a strategy for adaptation, without all the groping and the moans, of course. He daydreamed about holding Kai and eliciting those heart-wrenching sounds again. Kai told him that it was called a kiss, and that he could only perform it if he had fluttery feelings towards someone. The thing was, Sehun had those kinds of feelings for Kai, so why couldn’t he get so-called consent from him? Then it dawned to him. He had to earn it, just like he earned the praises. He figured that the best way to achieve it would be with honesty and, surely, with hard work. _

_ He had faced the most hazardous wars and battles, but Sehun thought this one mission would be his most difficult to accomplish yet. _

__

_ On a summer afternoon they headed for the river to wash their piled-up laundry. From the tall pines around the edge came all types of nature-like sounds, movements of branches, birds calling, water flowing. While Kai dealt with batting the laundry, crouched low at the shore, Sehun’s eyes dropped to the water, clean enough to drink. He bent down with cupped hands and drank, drops falling past his lips, sending ripples in ever widening circles until they disappeared. The taste surprised him, it wasn’t artificial like the liquid substances from his home. This was tasteless, but still energizing.  _

_ But when he glanced at Kai, he found that the sight of him was more energizing than indulging in the clearest waters. Kai wiped his forehead with the back of his hand tiredly, his tunic was loose around his shoulders, and a gorgeous expanse of tan skin peeked through the fabric. Deciding he deserved a break, Kai jumped into the river and took a dip. When he resurfaced, he exhaled pretilly, and his damp hair stuck around the edges of his handsome face. Sehun was almost distressed as he watched, and felt strangely dizzy when his eyes roamed down Kai’s wet body, where his tunic clung to his skin. The outlines of his abs visible through it. And his dick too.  _

_ “What is it?” Kai’s voice yanked him back to the present, and Sehun gulped nervously,  _

_ “I enjoy looking at you. You’re really beautiful.” There. The honesty. It felt like a million tons worth of weight had been lifted off his shoulders.  _

_ Kai giggled, splashing water at Sehun.  _

_ “You’re so cheesy. Are you in love with me or something?” _

_ Sehun went through the definition of being in love in his head. ‘ _ _ a state of strong emotional attachment and usually sexual attraction’ and he thought that summed it up perfectly.  _

_ “I am,” Sehun said, easy as that. “Is it--- Is it okay?” He double checked once he noticed how quiet Kai had become. His expression had turned blank too, no traces of those adorable dips in his cheeks. Not what Sehun expected; it was rather upsetting. Kai drifted closer silently. His drenched vestments seemed heavy as he moved, just like Sehun’s heart. _

_ “Why? Is it because I rescued you? You don’t have to. You don’t owe me anything, Sehun.” There was a tone of solemnity to his voice that had Sehun almost regretting his words. He hadn’t considered losing what he had with Kai if he rejected him. Now, it seemed he had fucked up badly where their friendship was concerned. _

_ “No, it’s not that. I promise. I just… I want to look at you all the time. When you smile I feel funny inside. Here.” Sehun brought a hand to his chest, pressed it so hard as though in hope that he could make it stop racing. “I want to hold you, Jongin.” _

_ “Hold me?” _

_ “I don’t know. I just want to touch you.” Sehun held out his hands. “Can I?” _

_ Surprisingly, Kai responded. “Yes, you can.” He inched closer, blinking at Sehun lazily. When he realized Sehun wasn’t going to make a move, he nodded and smiled. The display of his dimples were the pull Sehun needed. He started with a light touch, just brushing his fingertips against Kai’s cheeks, his thumb stroking the dimples too. Thankfully, Kai didn’t pull away, he pressed his body flush against Sehun’s and settled his hands nicely on Sehun’s hips. Little waves of ecstasy rippled through Sehun’s body. He was enthralled.  _

_ “Wow, can you feel this too?” He asked in bewilderment. Kai nodded, and in the next beat, he pressed his wet lips onto Sehun’s. They were just as soft and full as he remembered. He reacted to the kiss right away, dipping his head and slotting their lips snugly. Their tongues soon met, and a moan from Kai followed. It sounded even more heavenly than that very first one. This time it was less desperate, more slow-paced. Kai showed him some tricks too, nipping Sehun’s bottom lip and then sucking it, causing Sehun’s brain to spin, he felt like he was going crazy.  _

_ “Feels good.” He murmured once Kai’s lips slid down to his neck. He could feel Kai’s smirk against his skin.  _

_ “You’ve never kissed anyone before?” He asked, then added smugly. “I mean, apart from me?” _

_ Sheepishly, Sehun shook his head. Was he supposed to have it done it so intimately with someone else? He didn’t think it would feel this right, and honestly, he wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else. What he felt was exclusively for Kai.  _

_ “Do you want to do it again?”  _

_ “Please.” _

_ Slow and consuming, warm lips caressed his again. Hands skimmed up his ribcage and down again to his waist. Kai lifted his arms and wrapped them around Sehun's neck, kissing harder. He felt Jongin's stomach press against his own, pushed a knee between his legs until Sehun moaned into his mouth. Kai's arms tightened around his neck, his hands pulled Sehun's hips firmly against his own. Sucking in a breath, Sehun hissed his name and bit down hard on his lip. _

_ "Christ," Sehun keened. "Do that again." _

_ “Almighty Sehun, you’ve never laid with anyone before either?” Kai said in a hushed tone, which made his honey-dipped voice even sexier. Sehun felt his dick strain inside his pants. It was a common reaction to Kai, but this time Sehun felt like he wanted to explode, release something that was drowning him.  _

_ “No. Show me.” _

_ He was pressed up against Kai's body -- pulsing between his legs, surging in his ears, water licking his back -- still, he tried to get closer. Kai's breaths came fast in his ear. Hands and mouths and tongues and legs working, tangling, harder and more desperate. It was like they couldn’t get enough of each other. _

_ Consumed. Electric. Alive. Exposed. _

_ Fingers unknowingly bruised Kai’s hips, and he trembled against Sehun, stilling. Sehun kept moving. Heat spread to the tips of his fingers, his ears, behind his knees. Toes ground into a soft, organic layer of earth. His mouth opened, a stream of nonsensical words pouring forth, and then he sank, the boy's arms his reservoir. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Breakfast was on their table in another fulfilling morning. There was a joy in the way Kai spread jam over the loaf of bread in concentration, as if for a moment he was happily absorbed by a feeling of love that played in his subtle smile and soft gaze. Then he slid it across the table towards Sehun. Breakfast became a part of the rhythm of their lives together. From their meals, to their beds and continuous love confessions, they shared everything.  _

  
  


_ It was the unexpected loudness of the knock on their door that disrupted their routine. Sehun and Kai exchanged a wary look as the banging kept assaulting the wood. It was Kai who took the initiative to push his chair back and head towards it. Kai was a certified citizen in the Kingdom, known by many other residents since he was an infant, while Sehun was still a fugitive without a past. For many, he was an intruder, and Sehun couldn’t really deny that with empty hands.  _

_ “Kim Kai-ssi.” _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ From far in the kitchen Sehun could hear the exchange. A royal guard, if the clanking of his heavy bronze armour was anything to go by. Sehun’s stiff fists rested on the table anxiously. From a visit of the royal guards, he could only expect the unexpected. _

_ "The Emperor has lifted an order to search through your chambers." _

_ "Why?" _

_ "He's received a complaint that a lawbreaker has been hiding out here." The guard declared sternly, and his armour moved as he attempted to break through. It went quiet for the next seconds, and Sehun knew Kai had impeded their entrance.  _

_ "There's no one here. Please, leave." _

_ "He's lying, sir. We've seen him." A third female voice chimes in. Sehun immediately bolted out of his chair and peeked through the curtains that separated the small adjoined rooms. Outside, stood a group of cultivators along with two guards. Sehun could’t put a name to each face, but deep in his mind he recalled meeting them on one or two occasions. They weren’t very welcoming, and judging by the enraged look on their faces, they hadn’t warmed up to the idea of Sehun living in the same village as them. A riot from them was bound to happen.  _

_ "I've seen him walk through fire. Outrageous." A man remarked from among the cluster. Soon a jumble of whispers and mumbles ensued.  _

_ "I've seen him flying. Flying. He must be a witch." Another woman, this one young and pretty, spoke, affronted. Some of them looked utterly terrified, others even looked amused. But one thing they all had in common: they despised Sehun.  _

_ "He's the devil himself. He's a curse to our village." Someone snarled, and the insults and accusations just kept coming, unrestrained. Sehun’s ear caught absurd allegations about sacrificing animals and performing rituals, kidnapping children, raping virgins. All baseless rumours that developed a spiteful shape as they were passed through poisoned mouths.  _

_ "Stop. He's not any of that. I won't let you hurt him." Kai growled above their hisses, bringing a stop to the malicious chants. The guards squared their shoulders and reached for their swords, threateningly.  _

_ "So he is indeed in here. Surrender now." _

_ However, Kai stood on his ground, didn’t move an inch even when the guards wielded their swords. "Leave him alone. You don't know anything about him." _

_ "Son, there's still time to redeem yourself. That monster seduced you. You're a victim." The same lady from earlier spoke up, with a false glint of compassion in her wrinkled eyes. Kai held his stance, fearless as ever.  _

_ "You'll only get to him over my dead body." He stated relentlessly. The mask of empathy slipped away from the residents’ faces, and the guards no longer wavered. They advanced brutally and hauled Kai into the domicile, gripping him by the arms.  _

_ "Let go. Let me go." Kai shouted and thrashed, kept fighting until his house was invaded by all those traitors who went hunting for Sehun, rummaging through the room, wrecking every corner. Kai could only watch and cry out as his home was turned upside down. _

_ All stopped once Sehun shuffled into view by the backdoors. He didn’t move, because if he did, then he’d become exactly what they accused him of being. A murderer.  _

_ "Let him go." Was all Sehun said, with barely any emotion held in his voice. At that moment, he had none.  _

_ "Sehun, you need to run. Please." Kai warned him, knelt defenselessly on the ground. The guards were still holding him back, as if he was just as much a threat j as Sehun was. It was wrong and unfair, but at that point Sehun had figured out that just about everything in this world was. Wrong and unfair. The guards snickered at him, and decided Kai was dispensable. They shoved him to the ground and lunged eagerly at Sehun.  _

_ He watched the blade of their swords rise and fall towards him from each side, mercilessly. He lifted his both forearms, and managed to block two of them, metal crashing against his skin and denting instead of slashing Sehun. A third swing, however, never reached him. _

_ "Kai!" Sehun screamed when Kai suddenly turned up in front of him and took the blow in his place. The blade pierced his flesh, over his chest, and Kai was soon spilling blood out of his mouth, followed by a deep, painful groan.  _

_ Sehun caught him in his arms when he fell, both descending into tears. After losing so many people before, still Sehun wasn’t ready for that much agony. Guilt consumed him whole, as the raiders devoured the hideous scene with their sadistic eyes.  _

_ "Why would you do that? Why?" Sehun hiccuped, feeling for the wound that drenched his palms in crimson. "Please, please. Don't die. Don't die." _

_ He could see the fear in Kai's life as his life perished. Sehun didn't know if he feared death or leaving Sehun. Both, perhaps.  _

_ "I'm-- S-sorry. You have to--- run," Kai choked, drowning in tears and blood alike. Even in his last breath, he was putting Sehun first. No one dared move, as if they were just anticipating Kai's incoming death, like this was some sort of macabre play.  _

_ Sehun regretted all the times Kai had warned him to lay low, while he preferred to find reasonable excuses to slip -- “just this once, just to help this one person, no one will see” -- he should have listened to him. He should have known better. No one else was by his side. Now more than ever, no one at all was. When Kai's head lolled to the side and his eyes closed for the last time, something died inside Sehun too. _

_ Sehun had lost his home again. As people watched, Sehun planted a kiss on Kai's cheek, picked himself off the floor, and took off in the sky, bursting through the roofs, for all eyes to witness. Astray once again, he didn’t bother searching for another place to run to, he didn't think he deserved another chance. He was going to end it all for himself as well, for without Kai there should be no him.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He halts as soon as he walks into the living room. So much for wanting to have a peaceful afternoon. The room was infested with staff members, his agent and his lawyer, all glaring at him in disapproval. Jongin exhales in preparation for the ethical image preservation discourse that was expected from him to maintain, and proceeds to ruffle his towel through his damp hair carelessly. He knew it would have consequences, but he still doesn’t regret any of his recent decisions. God, if anything, he’d do it all over again if he could. 

“Care to explain that, Mr. Kai?” Siwon begins, motioning a tablet towards him. Jongin doesn’t even bother looking at the leaked picture of him and Sehun kissing on a bench. He read all about that earlier and he’s long lost the will to care. Thankfully, the angle wasn’t favorable enough for the media’s malicious intentions.

“No, I don’t.” He flops down the sofa unceremoniously, the towel hanging loosely around his waist and barely covering his crotch and spread thighs. “There’s nothing to explain.”

“You’ve been gone for the whole weekend. We were searching for you round the clock. Now your face is plastered everywhere.” He reprimands in a rising tone. “Who’s that man, Jongin?”

Jongin purses his lips and shoots a glance at Moonkyu. Despite being part of the team, he apparently kept things to himself. Jongin nods shortly at him, as though thanking him silently. Moonkyu doesn’t return the gesture. Despondent, he just gives a shake of his head and lets his shoulders droop. 

“He’s my friend. Leave him out of this. None of this is his fault.” Jongin says bluntly. He watches Siwon heave a breath and pinch the bridge of his nose, fretfully. 

“Are you having an affair with this man?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes, it does.” Siwon snaps. “It’s your reputation we’re talking about here. What about Seulgi? Have you thought how wrecked she’s feeling about all of this?”

A scoff tumbles out of Jongin’s mouth. Of course they’d make him the villain in all of this. 

“Like she won’t use this situation for her own needs. She can play the victim all she wants, I don’t care. We were never together.”

He sees Siwon’s brow twitching like he’s about to lose all control. It’s kind of funny, but Jongin supposes this isn’t the best time for a laugh. Siwon turns his back on him, like he’s giving up, but then Daniel, his lawyer, takes over. 

“Jongin, we warned you many times to avoid new scandals. How are we gonna cover this up?” He sounds all calmer, palms pressed together and a wide-stretched grin as though he’s dealing with a witless child. “Jongin, my dear. You do know you walked away from an important event? You bailed on Gucci’s president.”

“Just do what you always do. Make up more lies.” Jongin huffs out, impatiently. The warmth from the shower is starting to grow a little chilly on his skin, which reminds him he’s still half naked in front of all these controlling people. And he couldn’t care less. Not when his body is their money-maker. 

“Listen. We understand you have your… preferences. You can date this man if you want, but we suggest for you to not let yourself be seen with him in public anymore.” Sunny, the public relations director chips in. Her cheeks are a deep rue of red as she tries to ignore Jongin’s naked chest. 

“It might take a while until this topic dies down. You should lay low for now. We’ll be releasing a new article soon.” She says, then clears her throat and looks away. 

“About what?”

“You and Seulgi.”

“No. You can’t.” Jongin opposes promptly. Part of him didn’t think they’d actually go this far. He should have known better. 

“I’m afraid there’s no other option for us. I’m sorry, Jongin.” Sunny mutters, shrinking to herself like she feels sorry for him. But Jongin begs to differ. “We’re not asking you for any PR stunts for now. Just let the articles handle this. We ought to post on your social network on your behalf too, confirming the news.”

“I can’t believe this. Are you even going to ask me if I’m okay with this? Do I have a say in any of this?”

“It’s too late. You should have thought about the consequences sooner.” Siwon points out gravely, seemingly collected now. Jongin knows he’s short-tempered, and that he could lash out at any moment again. But Jongin’s not sure he can just swallow his pride and take it this time. 

“Please, understand that the reason we must do this isn’t solely because you were seen with another man. But the implications that you were cheating won’t benefit your career at all.” Sunny explains, already typing out a huge-ass fake apology to publish and please the public. He can see his name on top of the trending list, Seulgi’s following right after. 

He then glances at Moonkyu, one last silent plea. Moonkyu averts his gaze, and keeps mum. 

“You’ll have a week off. Do not pull any tricks. Your contract is at risk already.” Siwon warns him, and by then Daniel is already answering a call and pacing around the room, while Sunny is scrolling frantically on the tablet. It’s out there, it’s done. The leash is tight around Jongin’s neck.

“Whatever. Just fucking leave me alone. I don’t want to hear from any of you while I’m away.” He says begrudgingly as he wanders off to his bedroom.

“Jongin-ah!” He hears Moonkyu calling, an apology on the tip of his tongue. It stays there, unreleased, while Jongin shuts his ears to everything other than the unsteady beat of his own heart.

  
  
  
  
  


“Is this a bad time?”

Sehun’s face lights up as soon as he meets Jongin standing at his door, head leaning against the frame gently. His expression soon shapes into one of worry once he realizes Jongin’s state of… pure distress. 

“It looks like it is to you.” He points out, frowning. 

"Can I come in?" Jongin requests quietly, pouting a little just for effect. He drove all the way to Sehun’s place with his heart throbbing in his throat after the whole fiasco at his apartment. His phone kept buzzing in his pocket, a reminder that the world of Kim Kai was falling apart, so he decided to leave it behind. Thankfully, Sehun doesn’t seem to be remotely bothered by his unannounced presence. 

"Sure," He says, moving aside to let Jongin inside. Jongin is quiet for a moment as he makes himself comfortable in an armchair and pets Sehun’s dogs absently. Both of them settle snugly on his lap. Jongin chuckles softly, finding amusement in the smallest gestures--as long as they’re genuine towards him, unlike the constant misuse of Jongin’s kindness. 

"I got the week off." He tells Sehun as the other takes a seat across from him. He looks younger than ever today. His hair even in a disheveled state is still pleasant look on the eyes, and his comfortable clothing and bare face make Jongin’s need to curl up against him even more unbearable. 

"Isn't that good?"

_ But at what cost,  _ Jongin thinks to himself pitifully. 

"I'm also about to be in a committed relationship with Seulgi."

He sees Sehun’s jaw clenching, though his eyes remain equivocal. "What do you mean?"

"They're doing it. They're fucking doing it. They're just going to use me because it’s gainful for their greedy asses. I have my hands tied.”

"I'm sorry, Jongin." Sehun speaks as if it’s his fault. Jongin destests it. “Is it because of… The incident at the park? We should have been more careful.”

“I don’t regret it,” Jongin confesses openly. "You know I don't love her, don't you? I don't want to be with her. I don't even want to touch her. I want to be with you. Only with you." He settles the fluffy dogs as gently as he can on the carpeted floor before he crosses the living room and stands towering over Sehun, his fists shaking slightly. 

He expects Sehun to say something. To tell him off. To blame it on him. Like most people tend to do. Jongin’s used to it now, but he thinks that if it comes from Sehun, it’ll hurt like it’s the first time. Sehun peers up at him then, and all Jongin sees in him is a beautiful kind humanity, when that’s exactly what he’s not. Perhaps that’s why it looks so fitting on him.

“That’s okay. Just be with me. I don’t mind if you have to keep up appearances with someone else. That won’t stop me from loving you.”

Jongin’s heart leaps excitedly, and he can’t contain the idiotic grin that pulls at his lips. Jongin brings a hand to Sehun’s face, still a little hesitant to touch, fearing what he touches will suddenly feel inhuman against his fingertips. But Sehun’s skin is still as soft, and that’s when Jongin realizes Sehun’s inhumanity is nothing to be afraid of. It’s more beautiful than all kinds of life. 

Sehun swallows deeply, and when he closes his eyes the next second, his skin starts reddening, growing hotter under Jongin’s fingers. He lets out an uncomfortable whimper, until suddenly he falls back against the back of the couch and groans painfully, his body twisting like it’s the start of a violent seizure. Shocked, Jongin pulls back, like he’s the one causing Sehun’s pain and agony. He’s clueless of what Sehun’s reacting to, but he’s scared. 

"What's going on? Sehun, are you okay?" He crouches by Sehun’s side as he continues tossing and turning like he’s being tortured by an invisible force. It’s unsettling to see Sehun under so much anguish when Jongin’s only seen him as nothing less than powerful, indestructible. 

"Stay away. Don't come any closer." Sehun cries, attempting to push Jongin off, but he’s so weak that it feels like a faint nudge on Jongin’s arm. He feels so guilty and lost, unsure of how to help.

"Why? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, you didn't. You just--" Sehun halts, his face scrunching up in pain. "It must be your jewelry. Throw it away." He manages between gasps. His eyes are bulging and red, spilling tears.

"Excuse me?" Jongin yelps. How is that possibly related to what Sehun’s feeling? There’s no time to question. Jongin steps away and snatches out his rings and chains, tossing them out the window without a second thought. Lucky for whoever finds the discarded jewelry. It’s not like Jongin paid for any of it anyway. 

He turns back to Sehun and finds him hunched over the couch, an arm around his own middle to support himself, or maybe to contain the pain. His breathing seems to have evened out at least, and his skin is slowly going back to its natural, healthy shade. Jongin’s nerves start to settle back to calmness. Reluctantly, he walks back to Sehun.

"There. You feel any better?" He lifts a hand to rest on Sehun’s back, hesitantly so. When Sehun doesn’t show any sort of disturbed reaction, Jongin sighs in relief. "Are you allergic to jewelry or something?"

"It's the rhodium." He clarifies. "It's like poison to me."

Jongin chuckles nervously, realizing that he’s still trembling. It must be a component of one of his custom-plated rings. Expensive, exclusive and rare. Who would have thought that would be Sehun’s weakness?

"Oh, so it's like your kryptonite?" Jongin exclaims, awed. Sehun rolled his eyes, rolling over to lay on his back and stare at the ceiling. For the first time, he looks exhausted. 

"Please, don't share that with anyone."

"You're like superman. Quite literally." 

"Well, guess where the inspiration came from." Sehun deadpans, rubbing a hand down his face. “And guess what? He wasn’t in America.”

"That's honestly so cool. Can you also emit lazer beams from your eyes?" Jongin questions enthusiastically, hands resting on Sehun’s tummy. He feels it fluttering when Sehun giggles.

"What? Do you think my dogs have superpowers too?"

Jongin gasps. "They do?"

"Come on, Jongin." Sehun pushes himself upright again, brushing his bangs out of his eyes. The remnants of a grin still etched on his lips. "By the way, you'll be crashing here the whole week." He says, but it’s not like Jongin was planning to leave anytime soon anyway. 

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

The ground below them is alive with lights, like someone took a handful of glitter and threw it as far as the eye could see. From the top of the terrace they sneaked up to, it’s too dark to make out individual buildings arrayed in the city, but the lights are enough. Jongin sighs, amazed at the view laid out before him. 

Sehun’s sitting by his side, backs against the concrete and shoulders pressed firmly against each other’s, as they sway slowly as though following the warm breeze. From up here, he can catch sight of his own face on a building ad. Shining and overpowering. Jongin comes to the conclusion that for once, he doesn’t mind looking at himself. He can handle seeing his own fabricated smile when the one he carries right now is the most genuine kind. 

“You know what never changes about you? You always have that little scowl when you’re deep in thought.” Sehun notes, prodding in between Jongin’s eyebrows, making his eyes cross as they follow the movement. 

“What do you mean always?”

Sehun’s smile falters slightly, but remains alight as he seems to gather the courage to confess something.

“It means I find you through all your lifetimes.”

It’s quiet for a stretch of time, and Jongin expects Sehun to laugh and tell him he’s joking. He doesn’t. Sehun keeps his gaze fixed on Jongin, head tilted as he searches for Jongin’s reaction. Speechless, Jongin slowly wraps his head around the fact that Sehun is far from joking. After all the revelations he poured out for Jongin, he shouldn’t be so shocked by this one. 

But he is. 

“No way,” He says, flabbergasted. “You’re saying that the whole reincarnation thing is real?”

Sehun nods. Suddenly, a lot of things seem to fall into place. 

“What? Seriously?” Jongin lets out a laugh in disbelief. “Like… How do you know-- How do you recognize me?”

“You might have different names, or even a different gender, but somehow our paths will always cross.” Sehun says, like he’s reciting a fairy tale. Fascinated, Jongin nudges his arm and urges in excitemitement. 

“Tell me more,”

Sehun licks his lips, preparing himself. He seems like he has a lot to share, the enthusiasm rich in his eyes. “Last time you looked exactly the same, but you were a simple man. Unfortunately, fate didn’t want us together, so I lost you right after I finally got you.” His brow creased, like his mind had been invaded by mournful thoughts. And that only meant one thing.

“Did I-- You saw me die?” Jongin guesses, suddenly too scared of the answer. Sehun takes a little longer to respond this time. 

“Many times, Jongin. Many times.” He mutters sadly. “It hurts everytime. The first time it happened was really-- I tried taking my own life multiple times after that. Nothing worked." His voice wavered, and all of a sudden, Jongin isn’t as excited about this conversation. It just sounds like a cool idea. Although he has many questions about Sehun’s past and his own past lives, he doesn’t think he’s ready to find out about all the misery he once went through. Erased from his mind, but not from Sehun’s, who’s been carrying all that hurt like a part of him. 

"You didn't know? That I'd be back?"

"Not at the time." He says, but then he brings a renewed smile back to his lips. "But do you know what keeps me going? The fact that now I know I’ll meet you again. Even if I have to wait for years.”

That doesn’t sound too comforting in Jongin’s view. But only God knows and understands Sehun’s methods for relief after enduring so much pain. 

“I think this time around was the toughest. From such a young age, you were everywhere, but never really here. Many people beside me love you as well. And for a long time I thought us meeting would not happen this time. You were unapproachable in many ways, so I contented myself with only watching you from afar. That much was easy. That’s why I was so shocked when I met you for the first time at the cafe.” He continues. Jongin’s heart clenches harder and harder as he listens to Sehun’s experiences. 

“This doesn’t sound fair. It just sounds painful.”

“All pain is worth feeling when I know I’ll find happiness again with you.”

Jongin wipes the tear that breaks down his left eye. He’s starting to feel guilty, like he took all the luck that was supposed to be shared equally between them for himself, and left Sehun alone with all the misery. 

“But you do see other people, right? I mean, when I’m not around.”

“No, I don’t. I can’t.”

Jongin gapes, astounded. That is just  _ so _ unfair.

“So the last time you got laid was--”

“About 27 years ago, yeah.” Sehun completes, unashamed. Jongin’s utterly incredulous. 

“Damn, oh my god. We have to make up for all the lost time then.”

“Yeah, we should. But even if I had tried, I belong only to you. I don’t miss sex, I don’t really want it, unless it’s with you.” He reveals, but this time, he flushes a little. They haven’t moved past innocent touches and passionate kisses. But now that the thought is out there, it’s sort of impossible to ignore just how intently they want to touch each other. 

“Why? Have you tried?” 

“Never wanted to try. You were the first person I met when I landed on this planet. A long time ago. I guess I grew attached to you. We formed a connection that goes beyond death.”

“I’m sorry,” Jongin mumbles.

“Why?”

“For all the pain I put you through. For being a mere mortal.” He lets his head drop, feeling too undeserving of Sehun. He might not have any memories from his past life, but it’s still tied to him somehow. Now he knows the reason why he felt constant emptiness inside. He was literally incomplete. Sehun places a hand under Jongin’s chin, and pushes his head up as gently as he can, until Jongin’s staring at him.

“It was never your fault. Many times I couldn’t keep my promise and failed you.”

“Wait. How old are you?” Jongin blurts, suddenly beyond curious. If Sehun doesn’t age, he must be as old as this country. Sehun cracks a smile, and shrugs nonchalantly. 

“Older than you think.”

“And you’ve only been with me?” A smirk blooms. “That’s kinda sexy.”

Laughing, Sehun plants a kiss on Jongin’s forehead. It’s a sweet gesture, one that only his mom had done to him a long time ago--when she cared. Warmth fills Jongin’s insides, but sweetness is not what he has in mind. 

“You know what else is sexy. Your super strength. Do you have any more tricks you want to show me.” He wiggles a brow, grabbing a fist of Sehun’s shirt and tugging closer, until their lips are almost touching. Sehun’s eyes widen momentarily, and then drop to Jongin’s lips, so he mirrors his smirk. 

“I might have a few.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


This time, there’s a different sort of intensity when Sehun kisses him, and relief courses through Jongin’s body as they fall onto the bed without letting go of each other. Their mouths and bodies are moving together, and the urgency of it only makes him more and more elated. It’s when Jongin realizes that, after all the obstacles they’ve crossed through, they finally belong to each other. 

Jongin exhales shakily as Sehun kisses his cheek tenderly. He opens his mouth to say something, brows knitted in a sign of concern, but Jongin wraps an arm around his neck and pulls him down before he can and presses their lips together. And it’s sloppy at first, messy, their lips crushing together too hard, Sehun moans in pleasure anyway and kisses him back. He works his lips and tongue until they are in sync, mouths brushing, opening, tongues curling together, and then again, over and over again. For a long, long time, until Jongin's heart is throbbing and Sehun is actually panting for breath, the breath he takes now, as they press their foreheads together. Jongin takes a second to get control of himself. "Okay," he pants against Sehun's lips. 

"Okay. Make love to me." He blushes as he says it, as the thought of making love has never made much sense to him. There was only sex. Sex was selfish and overrated. Now, with Sehun, the phrase is perfectly clear and pertinent. 

Sehun huffs a laugh and kisses him, then buries his face in Jongin's neck and wraps him in his arms and holds him. Jongin returns the hug, until Sehun kisses his neck and pulls back.

"Okay," his voice quavers just slightly and his eyes glisten, but he’s smiling, that small little beautiful smile that turns his eyes into those little crescents. “How do you want to do this?”

Jongin swallows, suddenly feeling a little nervous. That’s a suitable question for the moment, especially when he has yet to admit he’s never gone this far with a man before.

“I’ve never bottomed before, but I want to do it with you.” He confesses, staring up at the ceiling rather than Sehun’s face, embarrassed to admit just how much he enjoyed being full and having his ass played with, even if he’d never done it to anyone other than himself. He’s beyond curious to find out how it’d feel to have someone else touch him like that. He’s had the chance before, but it never felt right like the way it does now. 

“Are you sure?”

“I’m not entirely new to it, you’re just about to be the real first person to... Fuck me.”

“Got it,” Sehun says contently before crawling back to the foot of the bed and pulling off his shirt, finally revealing some skin before he makes quicker work of Jongin's boots and socks, and Jongin lifts up his hips to help him tug down his pants. His cock curls up in the air, and Sehun' gaze darkens looking at it.

"Turn over for me," Sehun prods gently.

"On-On my stomach?" Jongin says, asking more than just how to turn. Sehun nods, and Jongin scrambles over to all fours, his ass in the air as relief rushes through him. Like this-- facing away from each other-- everything feels even more intense, but he thinks he can bear it like this. 

Hands meet his ass almost immediately, and Sehun makes a sound like a groan like he's never felt ass before --and he hasn’t in a long time, Jongin guesses. Those hands squeeze rather possessively, a thumb slipping down just to brush over his hole, kisses peppering his back just above his crack, and he sighs with pleasure.

He hasn't been with anyone else since he and Sehun became a thing a while back. Besides, he’s never been on the receiving end of pleasure before either, so it feels new to have someone take any amount of time to explore like Sehun is now, rolling the globes of his ass, kissing his ribs one by one, letting his hands slide down around Jongin and stroke his cock once, twice. Before, he played a role that allowed for his own pleasure, never before having spent any time being touched so carefully, but now... It feels nice, really, really nice and it’s new and Jongin likes it so much.

He buries his head in the crook of his arm. For such a long time he wanted this, just to be able to feel Sehun, really feel him without his mind screaming at him to get away. 

His ass cheeks part as Sehun finally pulls them apart and thumbs over his dry hole. "We still need some lube before I--," he croaks, and then clears his throat like he’s having a hard time focusing on anything else other than Jongin’s ass, so Jongin hurriedly stretches out to grab it from the nightstand and tosses it back to him. There’s a pop from the little purple bottle, and then the cold slicked over his hole makes him jump. "Sorry, sorry," Sehun hums.

"It's okay. I wasn’t expecting it to be so cold." 

Sehun brushes a thumb over his hip with his free hand, as if to soothe him.

"Come on," Jongin murmurs. "I'm ready to feel you, Sehun. I wanna feel you."

Sehun nips at his ass and makes a sound like a purr and then surprises him by pushing the tip of his finger past his rim, and Jongin stretches in this way that feels way too good. He pushes back on it, and Sehun grabs his hip to stop him. "Wait. It's too soon."

"You’re not gonna hurt me," Jongin assures. He might never have bottomed before, but that doesn’t mean he’s never experienced other sorts of penetration. He knows the feeling of being full, and he can’t wait to feel it coming from Sehun, to be connected with him while being immersed in that blissful sensation. 

"I'm not pushing into you until you have a second to adjust. You're waiting a moment." Sehun scolds, so so patiently. 

"Damnit, Sehun," Jongin breathes, turned on in a way he isn't used to. Distracting circles rub into his hip while he waits, the soft pressure at his entrance neither increasing or decreasing. Kisses dust the ridge of his ass while Jongin forces his coiled muscles to relax bit by bit. And when he’s gearing up to curse some more and push himself back on Sehun, another knuckle slides into his hole, wiggling and stretching and fucking in ever so slightly, until it pushes in to the base, and Jongin sighs at the feeling of something inside of him. 

"More," he growls as Sehun starts fucking him with it. The slide is good and the heat is terrific, but it isn't enough and his cock bobs with need until Sehun stretches him with a second finger, slick and slippery, sliding into his heat with this weird cool sensation Jongin never experienced before. He didn’t know it could feel this way, and this good. Sehun pumps in for long stretches before switching to short little grinding bursts, twisting his fingers, stretching him, but also working pleasure into him with focus and patience. Sehun’s taking his time, and it’ somewhere between heaven and hell.

Every time Jongin hisses at a particularly deep thrust or grips the sheets a little tighter, every time he lets some sign of his pleasure escape him, Sehun makes a happy sound and repeats the action. And then he pumps deep and alternates his thrust and then does it again and to the point it’s driving Jongin  _ crazy _ . He doesn't even add another finger, but keeps stroking Jongin and making him twitch and hiss, until Jongin is huffing into the sheets and rocking with Sehun, and he hasn't even touched his prostate yet. And then, like Sehun can hear his thoughts, he crooks his fingers and a shock of pleasure rips through Jongin, and he cries into the mattress, his wet sounds muffled in cotton and polyester as his thighs tremble in surprise.

"Jongin," Sehun says, and it’s part groan and part croon and entirely exhilarated because Jongin’s right here with him. “I missed your pretty little sounds so much.”

Induced, in his next plea, Jongin makes sure to sound as needy as he can. "Need you, Sehun, come on."

Those lips return to his backside. "Soon," a thick, sexy voice murmurs right into his skin, and then Sehun spears Jongin with a third finger and for the first time the stretch is something Jongin can sigh about. And finally with that stretch, whatever patience Sehun had seemed to disappear. Roughly, his fingers shove deep inside of him, twisting, and then stretching him some more. This is what Jongin was made for. His hips move all on their own, shoving back every single time Sehun thrusts inside.

“God, Sehun, need you, need you, need you, need y--”

“Fuck, Jongin," Sehun curses when Jongin feels fabric brush against his ass, and he only just realizes he has been chanting out loud and Sehun’s now humping his ass with his pants still on. So he gets a little louder.

"Fuck me, Sehun, fuck me, fuck me, f-fucking--f-fuck meeee--"

"Fuck." Sehun growls, his voice tight and low. "Okay. Okay, Jongin, okay." He soothes Jongin's spine as he withdraws his fingers, but Jongin still gasps as his hole clenches down on nothing, and whines. He needs Sehun, needs to feel him inside, and he rocks on his knees and beggs.

"Se-Sehun, please, please..."

The sound of a zipper filles the otherwise quiet room, followed almost immediately by a relieved sigh as pants drop to the floor, and Jongin whimpers again.

A warm body drapes itself over Jongin's back, a slicked up cock sliding along Jongin's ass, bumping against his balls. The sounds coming from him turn incoherent as he opens his legs wider and Sehun runs his hands over Jongin's back.

"Like that?" he asks, and thrusts against him a few times, his cock slides along Jongin's crack, almost fucking him but not really.

"Y-Yes," Jongin moans. "N-need more, need you inside."

"You're ready, Jongin?" Sehun asks him, his voice thicker, heavier than usual, practically dripping with arousal. Jongin loves his voice more than anything.

"Fucking, yes, Sehun," he breathes. "R-Really ready."

Sehun hums and kisses his back. His hands drift over Jongin's abdomen while he presses his body closer, his chest along Jongin's back, his thighs against the backs of Jongin's, his cock flush between Jongin's cheeks. It’s heavy and thick and so long Jongin doesn’t think he can take it. Sehun’s lips move across Jongin's shoulder blades, and Jongin doesn't know how he could kiss him so lazily when they were both trembling with need. But he holds him like that for a minute, wrapped all around Jongin in every way possible. Jongin pushed up against Sehun' chest, rolling back along his cock and drawing a gasp of surprised pleasure from behind him. "I love you, Sehun."

There’s a second when Sehun stops moving, his roaming hands frozen on Jongin's stomach. And then his arms tighten around him and there’s this sound like a choked off sob. The hands on his stomach seem suddenly shaky so Jongin turns his head, and Sehun is there, kissing him. It’s difficult from this angle, but Sehun shoves everything he has into that kiss anyway and Jongin kisses him back just as hard. Then he nuzzles the back of Jongin's neck, thrusting along his crack. "Did you think I wouldn't, anymore?" Jongin asks around little breathless sighs as Sehun moves above him.

"No," He denies. Then, "Maybe? I don't know." Sehun rises up a little and his cock catches on Jongin's rim and Jongin twitches and moans and pushes back. Sehun reaches back and grips Jongin’s cock. Jongin knows because he feels the blunt head against his entrance, but Sehun doesn't push inside, he makes these little rocking motions that pushes against his hole, opening him a little but not fully penetrating him, basically stretching his rim. Jongin chokes at the assault and pushes his ass up higher, making Sehun chuckle happily against his skin, mouthing over his back. 

"I was afraid I wouldn't be good enough anymore."

The absurdity of that statement as Sehun drives him wild with his cock when he hasn't even penetrated him yet, almost turns the whine in Jongin's throat into a snort. But Sehun thrusts a little harder and the head of his cock pierces Jongin's hole, then slides out again, and the sound just melts into a wordless groan. Besides, Jongin knows Sehun isn't just talking about sex.

"Sehun--I didn't fall in l-love with you because you are powerful or bec--" He hisses "--b-because you are a man. I'm in love with you because-because--" Where to begin? There are so many reasons, too many reasons. And Jongin can’t effectively think as Sehun fucks him, sending splintering shocks of pleasure through his body with every movement. "Because you're you," He gasps. "And we’re just meant to be.”

"Meant to be." Sehun repeats, kissing his back happily. And then he pushes forward, hard, and his cock slides hot and heavy inside of Jongin. Balls bounce against his ass as Sehun sheathes himself in one thrust and Jongin's channel spasms around him, squeezing him and twitching as he tries to breathe, head lowered to quilt beneath him. His hands fist the sheets, the only thing he can grab hold of as Sehun anchors himself to Jongin. He spits these little high-pitched needy sounds, saying Sehun' name--while Sehun chokes and trembles above him, biting and licking and sucking marks into Jongin's skin. His whole body aches in such an euphoric way.

A choked sound draws him from his reeling, and he blinks open his eyes and looks back at Sehun. His heart flips in his chest because Sehun’s looking at him like--h-his eyes are bright, his face slightly flushed but not from sex, his lips were red, and a tear slipped down his cheek. 

"Sehun?" Jongin croaks.

"I'm sorry," He shakes his head, as if at himself. "It just--. You feel so perfect, Jongin, I--" he breaks off and gives a shallow thrust, like he can't help himself, and a sob leaks past his lips.

"I love you," Jongin whispers, swallowing thickly, his heart thumping. He wishes he could touch Sehun, he wishes he could pull him down on top of him and kiss him so, so, so hard until he stops crying. He settles instead for saying it again. "I love you."

"I love you," Sehun rasps in reply.

Jongin sucks in a breath, blinking rapidly. "Come on," he says, starting to push back on Sehun. "Show me."

With a breath and a nod he bends over Jongin again, kisses his spine and then lays flush and warm over his back. Jongin looks forward again and braces himself as the cock inside pulls back, slowly, dragging in Jongin's hole in the best possible way. It feels like aeons, millennia, pass until just the head remains gripped by Jongin's rim. And then Sehun thrusts, hard, jabbing, shooting pleasure up Jongin's spine. And then he does it again, and again, punching the breath from Jongin's lungs with every thrust before he starts moving without any sort of rhythm, hitting all the right spots.

"Sehun, Sehun--Hng--Sehun," He chants his name, ending on a whine every time Sehun's dick punches into him again, and he can't help but imagine what his hole must look like, all stretched around him and red, the skin pulling every time Sehun slides out, and then pushing back in when he thrusts into his body. Warm salt fills his mouth, and only then does he realize he's bitten his lip hard enough to make it bleed but it still isn't enough to hold in the erotic sounds he’s making. So he bends lower, his chest and shoulders on the bedspread, his ass in the air, and bites into his own arm instead to muffle his wrecked voice.

"You're s-so hot," Sehun growls, his cock giving shorter, faster jabs in this position as he grips around his waist. Another bonus is how close Sehun's hands are now, wrapped around Jongin, next to his cock, so that the sensitive head just brushes against his knuckles every time Sehun pounds into him. And then Sehun cants his hips on the next thrust, and Jongin chokes, a shot of pure fire gushing through his veins as he shakes throughout his body.

"Fuck--Se--," he gasps. At his cry, Sehun bites into his shoulder and sucks, there is this tiny gnaw of pain, but it’s overridden by the pleasure of him licking over his skin. He’s close already. "I'm-I'm c-cloose, Sehun. T-Touch me. Please," he whines. He isn't above begging when his body is wrapped up with heat and rippling with pleasure, and Sehun groans at Jongin's pathetic plea so it’s all good.

His hands slide down, and he wraps both around Jongin's cock, tight, but loose enough that Jongin fucks through them every time Sehun fucks him. He groans, his eyes rolling back in his head.

"Come, Jongin." Sehun growls, and the sound of his voice, so deep and commanding intensifies Jongin's pleasure, and he’s so close--just another thrust-- another roll of his hips-- another stroke of Sehun's perfect calloused hands, and Jongin comes. Pleasure rolls through him, centering around his groin and spasming out to every inch of his body. His arms tremble with it, his toes curl, and he cries brokenly as his cock paints stripe after stripe of white along his chest and the blanket below. A shudder wracks through him, his stomach tenses, his body still reeling as Sehun groans. His thrusts lose their rhythm. He fucks into Jongin's oversensitive ass hard and wild as Jongin’s hole throbs and squeezes him. Then he fucks in one last time, as deep as he can go and stutters to a halt, body winding tight as warmth fills Jongin.

Then he falls over Jongin's back, heavy and gasping for breath as little tremors work through them both, making Jongin's hole clench, making Sehun mewl. "God," he sighs.

"Yes," Sehun agrees. 

Then they’re kissing again, slowly, tenderly, nuzzling at each other, staring appreciatively, Sehun shifts his weight and pulls out so that they can lay on their sides, still wrapped around each other. 

Jongin has no idea how long they stay like that, petting, kissing, catching their breath, blissed out and grinning stupidly at each other. Sehun is beautiful, and just looking at him makes Jongin's heart lurch.

Sehun's smile grows wider as he starts playing with Jongin's hair, the look in his eyes warm, and adoring, and happy. Jongin thrills at the understanding that he’s responsible for that look, for the way Sehun’s hair sticks up crazily, his mouth swollen from kissing.

“Can you hold me?” Jongin asks sleepily, barely above a whisper. Sehun loops an arm around his waist and gathers him close, as though he’d never let him go. And that’s exactly what he promises.

“I’ll never let you go, Jongin.”


	7. Chapter 7

2040

He steps foot into the penthouse that night only to meet Sehun already waiting for his arrival. He’s sitting in Jongin’s office with a bottle of wine in one hand and a book on his lap. He’s clad in nothing but a cloak-like red velvet robe wrapped around his pale frame, leaving the smooth skin of his long legs and sturdy chest exposed. It’s like looking at a renaissance painting displaying the epitome of youth. Sehun hasn’t aged a wrinkle, unlike Jongin who finds a new one etched around his eyes every morning when he looks in the mirror. Grey roots have been growing in his hairline too, reminding Jongin that time isn’t giving him a break and rolling ahead for him, but not for Sehun. 

A lawsuit against his former agency earned him a tremendous addition to his fortune, anlong with the opportunity to launch his own business. Once Jongin was free, the first thing he did was ‘break up’ with Seulgi. He kept Moonkyu though, as Moonkyu was more than just an agent. He was his best friend too, outside of their professional relationship.

Not only has his successful unisex clothing-brand KAI remained on top throughout the years, and all his past scandals and misbehaving incidents have been long forgotten--but Kim Jongin’s name has been a constant hot topic as well, especially with the fanatical interest around Jongin’s mysterious and attractive, young male partner. Being his own boss now, Jongin has full authority of his personal life, and he chooses what should be seen and unseen. 

It’s a known fact to the world that he’s taken. Jongin never misses the chance to mention his other half in interviews just to show off a bit, with a smug but proud grin, keeping the suspense afloat. Life’s good, however, time is always limited. 

There’s an ache throbbing in Jongin’s head, but as soon as he comes across the breath-taking sight of Sehun, it feels like it’s barely there. He loosens his tie as he crosses the office, receiving a heartfelt smile from his husband, who rises from the chair and extends his arms toward him, invitingly. 

“Are you okay? You seem a little tired.” Sehun worries as he strokes Jongin’s scalp. He lets himself relax into Sehun’s embrace, and for a moment everything is fine. Just a little longer, until he has to bring up what he’s been avoiding to. 

“I’m fine. The day was quite hectic today.” He says, resting his head on Sehun’s shoulder. “Sehun, we need to talk.”

It’s like Sehun senses it. He always does. Many times Jongin has actually suspected he has some kind of sensory superpower where he can foretell whatever Jongin’s feeling. 

“Yeah. What is it?” Sehun brings some distance between them to look into Jongin’s eyes, inquisitively. Jongin pulls his lips into a thin line, searching for the right words to start. He doesn’t want to beat around the bush, but the last thing he wants is to throw him a curve ball. 

“I got the results from the doctor this morning.”

Sehun nods expecting more detail, but Jongin’s entirely unprepared, so he gives none. Sehun starts rubbing up and down Jongin’s arms, as though soothing him. 

“Can I see it? Or do you prefer telling me?”

Uncertain, Jongin reaches for the drawer, where he left the papers from the clinic. Then he realizes he’s shaking badly. “It’s--- They said-- I have a brain tumour. Malignant.” There. Done. but why is his heart still clenching miserably? He keeps his eyes down, unable to look at Sehun. It takes him too long to respond, or to move even.

“No…” Sehun murmurs, like he’s in denial. “Is there--- Is there any treatment?”

“There is, yeah. But nothing too effective. They said I don’t have much time left.” He chokes out a sob, unable to control the tear that spills out of his eyes. He presses his head against Sehun’s chest, even though he has to slouch poorly in order to do so. Sehun holds him, like he always does. 

“You can do this, Jongin. You’re strong. I know you can make it.” He whispers as he rocks Jongin slowly, like he’s putting him to sleep. But lately, when Jongin falls asleep, he’s scared he just won’t wake up anymore. “We can afford other treatments and medication too.”

“I’m going to die one day anyway. This is just a reminder that it’ll happen soon.”

“It doesn’t have to be soon.” Sehun counters, always one to look for the bright side of every darkness. 

“You should be prepared. It’s going to happen. I don’t have hope I’ll last much longer.”

The doctors themselves told him so, with sorrowful looks in their eyes. It’s inevitable. The tumour is there -- has been there -- embedded in his brain, sucking out his life, and it’s going to bring his death sooner or later. And perhaps he’s paranoid at this point and tremendously scared, but deep down he can already feel it. His life seeping away from him second after second.

“Jongin, please. You can’t give up now. It’s too soon.” Sehun begs. Jongin might not be looking, but he knows Sehun’s crying too.

“I’m not giving up. I’m just accepting it, before it gets too much.”

“I’ll be here with you. And you’ll see. We still have long years ahead of you with me.”

  
  


Jongin shakes his head, finally pushing Sehun away. He just doesn’t seem to understand the gravity of it all. It’s not going to be pretty and symbolic. Jongin will become dependent, incapable of getting by on his own. He’ll become a burden. 

“Sehun, things are about to get messy. You don’t have to stay and witness that. I wouldn’t want you to see any of that. You’re still young and beautiful. You’re free to walk away if you want. Live a new life.”

Sehun can only let out an exhale in dismay. He looks insulted among all things. 

“Are you kidding me? Do you really think I’d just leave you like this?” He inches closer to Jongin again, stubbornly. “Jongin, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll take care of you.”

“This isn’t fair. I don’t want to put you through that again. I don’t want you to see me dying again. I don’t want you to be my babysitter as my body wastes away. I won’t be mad, I promise. Just go.” Jongin insists through his cries. The last thing he needs is dying knowing that he just served to give Sehun more painful memories to add to his collection. Sehun catches his face in his hands, staring deep into Jongin’s orbs. He wants to shut his eyes and not see it. Not see the beauty that he’s bound to mar.

“Listen to me. I am not leaving. I’ll stay with you until your very last breath. I’ve done it before, and I’ll do it again. And then, when you’re gone, I’ll wait day after day until you’re back. Do you hear me?”

Foreheads against each other, and tears spilling simultaneously, Jongin finds himself nodding despite his own concerns. Because the truth is, he’s scared of dying alone. Scared of letting Sehun go. Most importantly, he’s scared of forgetting Sehun.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The first thing Jongin sees as he wakes up for another day, luckily added to his extinguishing life, is Sehun’s eyes. He looks at Jongin with deep worry, like he fears that at any moment, Jongin will just vanish into thin air in front of him. 

It’s been six months, and Sehun isn’t used to seeing Jongin die such a slow death. All other times, it came quick and unexpected. Now that it has a deadline, and he can’t even notice when Jongin’s life gets shortened each day, it’s even more worrisome. Jongin has a tumour killing him, but it’s looking at the misery he’s caused in Sehun’s eyes, that’s going to be the death of him someday. 

“Are you okay? Do you need anything?”

There’s quite a lot of things Jongin truly needs. But he’s running out of time anyhow. All his requests would be useless. He looks down at his frail hands, the skin sickeningly pale. He can barely move his joints, and breathing, oh breathing is just so hard. The rest of him is better left unseen. Jongin hasn’t braved a look in the mirror in months now, aware that the beauty he once flaunted is no longer present in him.

“Yeah, I want to ask you a favor.” He says, weakly. 

“What is it?” Sehun looks like he’s willing to give Jongin  _ anything _ . And he’s going to take full advantage of that.

“I want you to come with me”

Sehun frowns, puzzled. These days Jongin’s babbling all kinds of nonsense, a sign that his consciousness is also slipping away. He recomposes himself and follows Jongin’s lead. 

“Where? Where do you want to go?”

“When I die. I want you to come with me.” Jongin manages before he starts coughing, feeling his lungs contract inside his chest painfully. Sehun is quiet, motionless. 

“I-- Are you--”

“I can’t bear the thought of leaving you again. I can’t let you go through all that pain again, all the waiting, Sehun.” Jongin reasons. Sehun takes his hand, squeezing just enough to let Jongin feel it. 

“It’s okay, Jongin. I promise. I’ll always be here until your last breath, and I’ll find you again later, like I always do,” He repeats those lines everyday, as though he’s afraid Jongin will forget them. 

“We’ve spent many years together. Losing me this time will be more painful than you think.”

“I know,” He says, manages a grin that doesn’t extend to his eyes. “I can take it.” That’s a lie. And they both know it.

Faintly, he curls his hands around Sehun’s, breaking down in tears. “I don’t want to do that to you. Please. There must be a way for you to go with me. Let’s die together, Sehun. This is my last wish.”

Slowly, Sehun seems to finally understand the importance it holds to Jongin. He takes time to process the consequences of it, searching for alternatives that won’t involve pain for both parties. There doesn’t seem to be a happy ending for them. 

“Are you sure? What if we never find each other again?” Sehun asks, slightly convinced. The concept of death might not be new to him, but it’s never occurred to him. He looks scared, reluctant to abide. But it’s the only way Jongin can rest peacefully. 

As mean as it sounds. Sehun once told him their bond goes beyond that. And Jongin firmly believes that.

“Do you remember when you asked me if I believed in life after death? You said you didn’t believe that for yourself. But I do. I do believe you’ll be born again. And you’ll forget all this suffering, all this pain. And we’ll find each other again.” 

A hopeful glint seems to sparkle in Sehun’s eyes. The thought of starting over seems like a dream. Innocent and naive, with a lot of things to learn and appreciate about life. They could have the chance of doing all of that together. “That sounds wonderful, Jongin.” Sehun consents. 

“The rhodium. We can get hold of some. Do you think it’ll work?”

“Probably,” It could be painful too, but Sehun seems determined. No amount of pain could compare to what Sehun’s felt before, so many times. He is ready to grant Jongin’s last wish. 

“I know this sounds selfish and mean. I’m sorry.”

“Shh. it’s okay. If this is your last wish, I’ll give it to you. I’ll go with you.” He says before leaning in and planting a kiss on Jongin’s forehead, sealing his promise. They’ll go together.

“I love you, Jongin.”

  
  
  
  


A couple of weeks later, Jongin no longer opens his eyes. As promised, Sehun intakes the poison, and learns that it doesn't taste as bitter as he thought. He also learns that dying isn't as painful. It's as easy as closing his eyes. 


	8. Chapter 8

_Unknown time in the future._

In the city school the hallways seem busier, the students less friendly. Jongin slings his backpack over his shoulder and clutches the map in his hand, determined to find his way around on his own. Too shy to approach anyone. Some kids raced past him as he walked through the hall staring down the floor. Nobody seems to care that he’s unfamiliar, nobody seems to even notice him. 

Jongin doesn’t know if it’s a good or a bad thing. He thinks he’ll decide that as the day unfolds. Nervously, he keeps walking, dodging a clique of girls clotted in the way. Their gazes seem to follow him, and as Jongin desperately tries to find classroom number 3, someone taps his shoulder.

“First day?” The kid is paler than milk and smaller than almost everyone. He blinks up at Jongin through the thick mop of black hair that dominates his narrow face. There are eyes in there somewhere, though they are small too. His uniform is a size too big, only exaggerating his skinniness. However, his grin tells Jongin he’s going to be a fun kid to know.

“Yeah,” Jongin responds, staring down at him. He should befriend kids his age, not a nearly toddler. This is the best he’s got, though. 

“What’s your name?”

“Kim Jongin. I’m in 8th grade.”

The kid beams, and his long bangs fall in front of his eyes. He’s adorable.

“Oh, you’re a year ahead of me. I’m Oh Sehun.” 

Jongin pulls a face. One year only? That means the kid is Jongin’s age, since Jongin is a year ahead in school. The poor boy won't manage to grow even past Jongin’s shoulder.

“I can show you around if you want.” Sehun offers enthusiastically, and with nothing better to do, Jongin agrees. 

“Okay.”

He follows Sehun through the mass of spazzing kids. Sehun tugs at the sleeve of Jongin’s blazer so they won’t lose each other in the crowd. Surprisingly, Sehun is fun and friendly, and he makes things easier to bear. 

“Ignore those kids. They’re the troublemakers of the school. But if you stick with me, they won’t mess with you.” Sehun comments as they cross the hallway and reach the set of stairs. Jongin glances at the clique of boys huddled by the lockers. They’re older and rich looking. But they nod at Sehun as he passes. 

“Are you one of the popular kids?”

“Me? Well, I guess.” Sehun shrugs. He also seems like a bratty troublemaker, but of the harmless type. The type that can make kids laugh and teachers lose their tempers. “But I can see you’ll become popular too. The girls are already staring at you.”

“They are not.” Jongin blushes hard, hiding behind his bangs. Sehun giggles, and proceeds to greet lots of other kids on their way. They all send Sehun friendly smiles and cheerful waves, and Jongin finds himself sticking closer to the kid’s side easily, like second nature. 

“Where are you from?” Sehun asks eventually.

“Suncheon.”

“I have some relatives living there. It’s a nice place.” Sehun says before halting in front of classroom number 3, Jongin’s destination. “This is your classroom. I suggest you sit next to that skinny big head weirdo over there. He’s harmless.” He points at the kid sitting by himself at the corner. He’s … singing? The other kids already occupying the room don’t seem to mind him, as he throws in high notes and taps at the desk with his pencil. He seems distracted, and not at all threatening. 

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Jongin inquires, genuinely curious. This isn’t his first time being the new kid at school, but never before had he had the luck to find someone as welcoming as Sehun on the first day.

“I don’t know? I feel like we can be good friends. Can we?” Sehun smiles up at him. The intensity of his smile makes his eyes practically disappear as they shrink into crescents. Jongin’s mom would love meeting him and doting on him.

“Sure, I don’t have any friends anyway.”

“Ok. great. You can come sit with me at recess. And then later we can hang out together.” Sehun shits his weight from leg to the other, like he can’t stand still for more than one minute. Or maybe he just wants to pee badly. 

“Okay. Thank you so much, Sehun.” Jongin bows at him in gratitude, hands firm at his sides. Sehun cackles and lands a playful punch on Jongin’s bicep.

“Anytime, Jongin.” He blends into the students and disappears, leaving Jongin on his own, but a lot more confident to face the other kids. He can just tell them he’s friends with Oh Sehun, and then he won’t have any problem fitting in.

Jongin smiles and steps into the classroom, as ready as he can be. He already can’t wait for recess. And even if his first day doesn’t go as planned, and his new classmates treat him unkindly, it’ll be okay.

He’s already made a new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/_sehuning_)   
> 


End file.
